Ramblings of Me

HAY BEECHEZ

2011-09-15T14:15:00.004+08:00

OHAY THAR M'DEAR BLOG.

Wanted to delete this motherfucker but couldn't find the button to do it. Good thing eh.

17 days left till I fly off to Singapore, make nice with relatives, then flying off to Heathrow the next day. Meh.

On to business.

Giving a fuck is easy to do and done often. I'd rather not. If only I could give a fuck about relevant shit like, the situation in Libya or the fact that our planet will more or less explode soon-ish. Downer no? Unfortunately, NO FUCKS ARE GIVEN.

The fucks however, are given, much to the chagrin of my mental state, to nonsensical bullcrap which shall not be discussed here because this little fucker's google-able. Heh.

Typing feels good. Digression.

Ugh. NEED. BEER. Drowning my sorrows indeed. Bah.

Need to fix the biscuit that is my crumbly and slightly tasty mental state and forge ahead.

If only feelings could be put into a box and shoved somewhere for the time it's not in use.

Meh. Shall be using this as a cryptic-ish journal-esque thingamajig because I can't be arsed to buy a notebook and write.

Unload-ment done.

ATTENTION!

2011-04-22T22:09:00.002+08:00

Jason Yeo. Stop stalking my dead blog and have an ice cold beer.

After that, rape some n00bs in WarCraft/Dota/Whatever online games you play which require some serious rape-age of n00bs.

Then, vacuum your stairs and dumb the bag in front of HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMEDs room. >:)

Prior to the vacuuming, leave him an angry voicemail saying that the fridge is not a vajayjay and won't clean itself.

Hee. Enjoy the rest of my blog. :)

TIMES NEW ROMAN FONT IS BLEHH.

2010-11-10T00:57:00.001+08:00

Doing my assignments in TIMES NEW ROMAN FONT.

It's so bllleeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

That's all. Go back to doing whatever you've been doing before this. :D

OHMAGAT!

2010-11-08T22:26:00.005+08:00

Wasai. *kicks blog*

This blog is collecting so much dust and other shiz.

I shall update! :D

I look liddis nao. :O

I'm also not in Kuching anymore. I'm currently in Southampton, studying for my Degree in Applied English Language. Yes, it sounds like a useless thing to study, but it's really A.W.E.S.O.M.E!!

This is Abang Joseph. No, he's not Malay, it's just fun to call him that.

He's also known as FRUIT MANBANZAI or recently, FOIL MANBANZAI!

This is Su Wang. He's mean. Haha. He cooks a lot. :D

Ogeh. I bored liao. I'll update some other time.

I don't think I've got any readers left though. Damn. Oh well. Least I tried.

OMGWTFBBQ?!

2010-04-27T22:38:00.002+08:00

Just checked my blog and found out that katakundertempurung.blogspot.com is advertising LACTACYD.

What's that you ask? Why, it's feminine wash, you idiot.

In layman's terms, 'si piat shui'. :D

Heard the acidity's great for facial wash. Anybody wanna try? Get back to me if you do.

.. the fuck?

2010-02-17T23:21:00.002+08:00

I'm 20. I'll be taking a double major, English and Japanese hopefully in NUS. I will not settle for less.

Thus, stop listening to your friends with stupid children who do English in university and quit halfway because they realise they're too stupid to cope. Cheebye.

Furthermore, I DO NOT want to do anything that is related to medicine. Again, cheebye.

Saya amat tidak gembira! :(

My imagination is the shiznit.

2010-01-16T17:55:00.004+08:00

Me and my sister share a common past time.
We like to mock and laugh at stupid chao ah lians.
My sister related a story to me and I have illustrated it.

Long story short, my sister saw an ah lian walking along Sg. Apong Road. She was wearing a pinafore, and heels!

Yes, I shat you not, HEELS!

She walked, most probably to her own background music (preferably some stupid techno mix), trips on something, and falls.

I drew it. On Paint. By myself. I am officially, awesome! I think the picture's clickable. Please do. It's hilarious. I think.

I is back!

2009-12-10T11:13:00.001+08:00

O HAI!

I is fuh-reeeee!!!!!

Wahahahahahahahahahaha XD

Go mamam later, tomorrow go karaoke.

Awesome not?

Angry Kakak Post

2009-09-15T20:17:00.002+08:00

Hi. I'm the angry kakak. Why is that so? Let's find out shall we?

Is it because I look like a fucking Indonesian?

Maybe because I was born without a penis to a Foochow family.

Hell, maybe cause I'm the ugly one.

Do I have a fucking tattoo on my forehead saying that I'm Mary frickin Poppins?

Maybe that's why it seems to everybody that I like folding and ironing about 5-6 kilos of laundry.

Does it matter at all that I have about a billion tons of crap that I'm trying to stuff into my protesting brain?

Seriously, what.the.fuck.

Bye baby.

2009-08-19T21:39:00.005+08:00

Bye baby. It's better this way.

Hello folks! I'm selling off my baby.

He's cute, pretty and listens to everything you say.

I'm hoping he'll go to a very ~~rich~~ loving home.

My babeh.

Up for sale. Free guitar strap and bag.

Bag is blue, brand, Ritter. Worth RM 60.

Very cantik.

Guitar going for RM 400.

NEGOTIABLE.

Marshall amp. 40 watt. Good condition.

Going for RM 280.

NEGOTIABLE.

Free 2 cables!

Distortion pedal. BOSS.

Used not more than 10 times.

Going for RM 100.

NEGOTIABLE.

Pedal adapter. CASIO. Bought in KL. Damn good.

RM 25.

NOT NEGOTIABLE.

Guitar stand.

Guitar stand can be folded up for easy storage.
Going for RM 30.

NEGOTIABLE.

Whole package.

Going for RM 800.

NEGOTIABLE

Only for buyers in Kuching. Not farther than 7th Mile OR Batu Kawa. Sorry!

It's because I'll be sending it to your place.

For FREE!!!

E-mail me at snake_bite1990@hotmail.com.

Label the e-mail with anything that has to do with the guitar.

GUITAR, UR GUITAR IS HAWT N I WANNA BUY IT, INTERESTED IN YOUR GUITAR.

Keyword is GUITAR. ~~doi~~

So, e-mail me yeah.

Blehhh

2009-07-07T20:29:00.001+08:00

Freedom tastes kinda like dirt.

Oh well. Dirt's not so bad. Lots more stuff out there worse than dirt.

Feels nice though. :)

Ehh??!!

2009-06-12T17:30:00.002+08:00

A friend said I was a 'kinesthetic learner'. I thought, ohmygod! The government's gonna use me as a weapon!

Before I barricaded myself in a cupboard at home, I looked it up in the handy dandy site that is Wikipedia and checked it out myself. Then I went some place else.

I made a check list just to make sure.

Tactile-Kinesthetic Learners

Making up about 5% of the population, tactile and kinesthetic learners absorb information best by doing, experiencing, touching, moving or being active in some way.

[x]Enjoy feeling, discovery and action

[x]Remember by using tools, building models and manipulating things

[x]Learn through emotions, touch, movement and space

[x]Enjoy demonstrations of concept demonstrations

[x]Master skills through imitation and practice.

[x]Benefit from hands-on teaching techniques

[x]Find it difficult to sit still for long periods of time.

[x]Remember who did what in the past, rather than what they said or how they looked.

[x]Prefer to stand, walk about or use large motor muscles when learning.

[x]Learn well from field trips and excursions.

[x]Tends to collect things

[xxxxxxxx!]Do not have good handwriting

[x?]Are weaker at spelling.

[x]Talk fast using hands to communicate

[x]Benefit from role-playing and simulations

[x]Enjoy having background music while studying or working.

[absolutely NOT!]Good at sports

[x]Take frequent breaks when studying

[x]Think in terms of physical action

[x]May play a musical instrument.

[sometimes]Enjoy exploring the environment

[x]Participates in martial arts, dance.

[wozzat?]Can grasp concepts when abstract theories are combined with practical experience

[x]Enjoy science experiments, construction games, arts ad crafts

[depends]Could be considered hyperactive

[x]More relaxed and open to learning in a beanbag than a hard chair.

[depends on time of day]Good internal compass for finding their way around.

[xxxxx!]Get restless during long lectures

[x]Comfortable touching others as a gesture of friendship

[depends on what the thingy is]Prefer participating actively rather than watching video or reading from a book

[x]Learn more effectively when free to move

[x]Studies effectively laying on floor or bed, fidgeting, tapping fingers or touching object.

Well, that's alot of x's. I'm kinesthetic. Yay?

Oh ma effing bleep!

2009-06-12T14:38:00.002+08:00

I finally signed up for BUKU MUKA!!

For all you BM-impaired people, that's FACEBOOK!

For crissakes, my brother, aged 11, beat me to it.

Feel free to add me. Can't be bothered to look for everyone.

Gah.

There are crazy mice in my house!

2009-06-07T19:05:00.002+08:00

There are crazy mice in my house!!!!!

Look!!!

EEEeeeKKKkkk!!!!

I know it's lame.

My blog's dead. What d'you expect me to do?

I like this, you don't, shuddup.

2009-05-19T22:09:00.002+08:00

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

penguins are damn cute wei

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

string's awesome!

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

i have hairs in my nose too.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

my sentiments exactly.

Yay!

2009-05-12T23:21:00.001+08:00

Mimi is ok!

She lost like, half her body weight but she's making up for it.

She almost looks like her old, fat, jiggly self again.

Like the title says, YAY!!!

I's happy.

I heart my cat who looks like a pig

2009-05-07T16:36:00.003+08:00

My kitty cat's name is Mimi.

She's 6 years old.

She likes durian, corn, and fish.

Her idea of fun is:

~ Terrorising the dogs

~ Terrorising the neigbourhood's male cats

~ Scratch the people who give her lotsa hugs

~ Scratch the expensive chair

~ Scratch the expensive shoes

~ Scratch the carpet

~ Scratch the dog

~ Scratch anything that moves

~ SLEEP!

~ EAT!

She loves her nap time.

She also does yoga.

She *hearts* fish more than us.

Didnt' see her for a couple of days.

Found her lying in dirt, looking like she's dead.

She wasn't, RELAX.

Bleeding heavily from her ear. Must've been from fighting with her bastard of a dad.

Brought her to the vet.

Got a thermometer jammed up her bum bum. Wasn't really happy.

Turns out, she's got internal bleeding. Poor baby. :(

3 things:

~ Got hit by car (CHOI touch wood!)

~ Got kicked by neighbour.

~ Ate rat poison (indirectly)?

Gah! She bit me!!

She doesn't like antibiotics and vitamins.

Pray for my kitty to get better eh?

I'll make you muffins. Promise! :)

My birthday didn't suck that bad

2009-04-06T21:36:00.004+08:00

Amy, you're a doll. For that, I dedicate this pic to you.

OoOoO..

So succulent.

Here's something hand drawn. Or rather, touch pad drawn.

It doesn't have to make sense. It's dumb. That's why it's here.

It's clickable!

Serious moment here.

Many thanks to all the well wishers.

Amy, for the card with flier miles,

Mah Bitch, Jo, with your quirky wish,

Lindy, MiMi & Grace for the 'reading material'.

Adeline, for the smack in the boob right after,

Jeffrey Ong for remembering even if I haven't contacted you in a year,

Ah Li, for remembering I like shiny things,

JB, Judy, Anna, Paul, my classmates..... emm..

I can't remember anymore.

Sorry if I left you out!

Ill wishers can go suck a septic tank.

2009-03-31T20:25:00.005+08:00

Wahhhh.... My blog's so... DEAD.

Ok Ok. I tell you what happen these few weeks.

1. Sold muffins. Nice. Home-made by your's truly.

I don't really use the chopper to make muffins.

It's for chopping kompia. :)

You want muffin?? I know you do. Don't you? You so do want one.

If so, order from me!!!

SMS me!

2. I witnessed a miracle.

In the form of ma bitch, JoJo, making muffins!!!

Weird thing was, being a lefty, he stirs with his right hand.

7.5 seconds later, he'd change the hand.

See? Not bluffing.

Nice eh?

3. Erm.. The Nenen Goddess went for NS :(

Hopefully, she'll come back in one piece. And her nenens will still be nenens :)

4. Met Jijul at Spring!!

Jijul, you and I know that you need help.

Heh. Inside joke.

Jijul has emo hair!!! Poke your eyeballs with eyeliner baru tau.

That's about it. I'm getting boring.

It's like I filter boredom from the air through some really complicated biological process which would involve like, kajillion thingamajiggiesIreadaboutinmyBiologytextbook and various offensive and non-offensive orrifices on my body. After that, the boredom, like some kind of whatchamacallitonpage182inBiologyVolume2, would be absorbed into my bloodstream. Then, it reaches the brain where it sticks and causes the awesome-ness that is me, to become dull and boring.

NoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo!!!!

End of pointless rant.

Pleasestopsendingrubbishlikethistome!!!

2009-03-16T16:41:00.002+08:00

Ever get a forwarded message? It's really annoying.

Somebody should get bitch-slapped just for starting these. Here's an example of one, stinking up my inbox.

NO CHEATING
THIS IS THE HOT TEST....HOW
HOT R U? GET A PIECE OF PAPER AND
NUMBER
IT 1-11 (NO CHEATING)

SEE YOUR RESULTS AT THE END OF
THE
TEST.

WHEN YOU SEND IT ON PUT YOUR
SCORE IN
THE SUBJECT BAR.

1. WHAT SHADE OF HAIR DO YOU
HAVE?

a) Dark
b) Light

2. OUT ON A DATE WOULD YOU WANT
TO:

a) Go to a party
b) Go out to eat

3. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR
OUT OF:

a) Baby-Pink
b) Yellow
c) Baby-Blue
d) Turquoise

4. PICK YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBY OUT
OF:

a) Talking
b) Dancing
c) Taking Long Walks

5. IF YOU COULD PICK A STORE OUT
OF THE
FOLLOWING, WHICH WOULD IT BE?

a) Louie Vuitton
b) coach
c) againt all odds?

6. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE PLACE
OUT OF
THE FOLLOWING?

a) hawaii
b) London
c) florida

7. IN THE SUMMER WOULD YOU
RATHER GO
TO:

a) The Beach
b) Somewhere Cooler

8. WHAT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY MONTH?

a) January
b) February
c) March
d) April
e) May
f) June
g) July
h) August
i) September
j) October
k) November
l) December

9. WOULD YOU RATHER:

a) Chill at home
b) Go out with friends

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE
INSTRUMENT
OUT OF:

a) Guitar
b) Bass guitar
c) Drums
d) The Triangle

11) NAME A PERSON OF THE
OPPOSITE GENDER

====NOW MAKE A WISH!====

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*************************************

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*****!!!!!*STOP*!!!!!*****

**ANSWERS**>>>>

1.
a. dark= sexy [5points]
b. light = sweet [2 points]

2.
a. go to a party = playful [2 points]
b. go out to eat = romantic [5 points]

3.
a. baby-pink = cute [2]
b. yellow = loud [3]
c. baby-blue = cool [5]
d. turquoise = sexy [5]

4.
a. Talking = active [2]
b. Dancing = determined [2]
c. Taking Long Walks = daring [5]

5.
a. Louie Vuitton = tasteful [7]
b. coach = laid back [2]
c. againt all odds = stylish [5]

6.
a. hawaii = you like being around
people [2]
b. L.. You are quiet, and like the
cold [2]
c. florida = You like to party! [5]

7...
a. beach = tan, likes the sun [5]
b. somewhere cooler = pale and original [2]

8.
a. January = popular [5]
b. February = lovely [2]
c. March = rebellious [5]
d. April = playful [5]
e. May = happy [5]
f.. june = chills a lot [5]
g. July = smooth [3]
h. August = fun [5]
i. September = quiet [2]
j. October = out-going [3]
k. November = pimpin' it [5]
l. December = warm [3]

9.
a. home = quiet, romantic [5]
b. go out with friends =crazy [5]

10.
a. guitar = eye-catching [5]
b. bass-guitar = mellow [2]
c. Drums = crazy [5]
d. Triangle = simple [2]

11. This person will fall in LOVE with you!

SCORES!!!!
UP TO 17= LOUSY GET A LIFE MAN

18-20=OKAY

21-35 = Rather HOTT

36+ = ow u burn

NOW REPOST THIS IN THE NEXT 2
MINUTES
AND YOU WILL HAVE GOOD LUCK WITH
YOURR ANSWER FOR NUMBER 11

REPOST AS: ,HOTT TEST den rite ur score

now that u have opened this there is no going back! if u dont send this message 2 every one on ur list u will have the following:

~ u will fail ur tests
~ u will cut ur finger
~ u will lose someone close 2 you
~ u will not have a good day for the next 7 years

--if u do send this u will:

~ will be dated by your crush next month
~ have good luck
~ have someone fall in love with you
~ have ur all time dream come true

Oi! If you're free, go watch porn or something ok?

STOP WASTING MY TIME!

~~I scored a 44~~ I'm not bitter, so, please, kindly, buzz off.

I has hot dog and cheezburger!

2009-02-06T22:52:00.001+08:00

Math makes me liddis

see more puppies

Green

2009-01-28T14:42:00.002+08:00

My colour or not?

Nice, not nice, tell me ah.

Jijullll!!!!!! Hope you can stick all the pieces that 'sploded back. :)

Nah. Here's a lolcat.

more animals

Happy CNY my ass.

2009-01-28T13:37:00.004+08:00

CNY has always been synonymous with fireworks, mahjong, 21 dot (blackjack), and drunk men, women and sometimes children.

All of this is courtesy of..

Yes, you've guessed it,

BEER!!!!!

MmMmMmMmM..

So every year, my dad would get whole box of awesome Tiger Beer.

But this year, my dad.... didn't.

I know. Blasphemous ain't it?

I think I know why.

COZ THEY DON'T SELL CANS OF TIGER IN BOXES!!

WTFBBQDVDKFC!!!!!!!!!!!

ONLY THE GLASS BOTTLE KIND ARE SOLD IN BOXES!!!

I do not want the ones in the glass bottles!!! People might get drunk and smack 'em over other drunk people's heads!!!!!

I is unhappy!!!!!!

Why Why Why????????

I know Tiger's more popular in Singapore, but I still like it!!

Gah. I hate stupid people.

Had to settle for Carlsberg (bought separately also)

Whaddafookiswrongwiththeworld?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

2009-01-17T20:44:00.003+08:00

Disclaimer: Not for the faint hearted, weak-kneed and have bad bladder control.

This blog has always been a place to read funny ~~rarely~~ updated stuff about me and the little bubble I live in which makes me the happy-go-lucky bitch I am.

Well, the bubble popped, the suds are in my eyes, stinging away, and the happy-go-lucky thing is being shoved in a dark musty closet for awhile.

This little nook under a coconut shell has always been a place where swear words are freely used and abused. Swear words doing the most damage have been shortened, abbreviated and wittily changed.

This is not the time for this.

It is the time for THIS.

Ever heard of Nepotism?

It sucks.

Ever heard of Brown-nosing?

It's suckier.

Well, I looked up the ever trusty wiki and came up with this!!

It's fucking cronyism.

With that, on with the ranting.

FUCK YOU. Doesn't this remind you of this?

You might be reading this, you might not be.

Who.The.Fuck.Gives.A.Rat's.Hairy.Ass

Seriously, go fuck yourself, please.

See, I'm polite.

ASSHOLE.

I'm sorry but......

2009-01-13T20:56:00.002+08:00

Do the "Letter MEME". Tag no less than 5 other people, and leave them a comment, informing them that they have been tagged. Then copy the "How-to" Letter Meme, and finish your Journal entry.

Dear ________(the last person who left a comment on your blog/journal): I don't really know how to tell you this, but ___1___. I think I realized it___2___ ___3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___. I'm sure you're ___6___enough to understand ___7___. I'm returning ___8___ to you, but I'll keep___9___ as a memory. You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___ . ___12___, -Your name-

Fill in the blanks with choices of answers as below:

1. What's the color of your shirt?
Blue- Our romance is over
Red- Our affair is over
White- I'll join the monastery
Black- I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn't match
Grey - You're a pervert
Yellow - I'm selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're a loser
Other - I'm in love with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women's clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
None of the above - With George Bush and his wife

4. What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive out

5. What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United's goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - High House - Scared
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - Mongolic
Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
None of the above - Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I've felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn't exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we're cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I'm open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - How awful I've felt
Other - Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of your blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your sperm
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David's tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Hate your guts
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineralwater - Embarrassing
Hot chocolate - rash
Eggplant- fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - Fuck off now
France - In pain

Dear Sammy. I don't really know how to tell you this, but I'm joining the monastery. I think I realized it when I tripped on sesame seeds at the mental hospital and I saw you sit on my John F. Kennedy-statue. I'm sure you're senile enough to understand that Santa doesn't exist. I'm returning the couch cushions to you, but I'll keep your sperm as a memory. You should also know that I always will try to forget the senility.

Good luck on your short-term leave from jail,

Susan :)

Where's the Jabatan Pendaftaran??

2009-01-10T22:56:00.003+08:00

How old are you?
~ Old enough to legally get married without my parents consent.

Are you single?
~ No. Double actually.

At what age do you think you'll get married?

~ Hmm.. yesterday.

Do you think you'll be marrying the person you are with now?
~ Have to go check with the feng shui guy, matchmaker guy, zodiac guy, numerology guy, tarot card lady, and my therapist.

If not, who do you want to marry?
~ The one who offers me the most ~~carrots~~ carats.

Do you want a garden/beach or a traditional wedding?
~ Beach. If there's a wedding crasher, feed 'em to the sharks!!

Your ideal motive? (whadafoookisdis?)
~ Umm.. 'cos she wore the same dress as I did?

Where do you plan to go on a honeymoon?
~ Bau. We'll go fishing for gold in the blue lake filled with all sorts of delightful chemicals.

How many guests do you think you'll invite?
~ Him, me, priest, virgin for sacrifice, and aprons. Don't want my wedding dress to get gross eh?

Do you want an extravagant wedding or a simple wedding?
~ Hello? Virgin for sacrifice.. Not big enough meh?

Do you want the traditional vows or something you'd make up on your own?
~ Make it up. I vow for you to be with me in sickness and in health. For richer, yes, for poorer, you'd better strike 4D within a month.

How many layers of cake do you want?
~ Can I have pies instead? Pies are nice.

Do you prefer having your reception at a hotel or a simple place?
~ At a temple with a bloody altar. Where else are we gonna put the doomed virgin? Duhh.

When do you want to get married, morning or evening?
~ According to the God of Matrimony, Alupapabalistikachingchingchittychittybangbangmarypoppinsbazooka, morning's better. Less mosquitoes.

You'd rather have your reception outdoors or indoors?
~ It's all up to the Goddess of Wedding Plans, Luluhapobibowholivesinapineappleunderthesea.

Do you like a grand entrance for your groom?
~ Sure. Is he allowed to dress like Johnny Depp? What? Just asking..

Name the song you like to play on your wedding.
~ When I'm walking down the aisle, there'd better be King Julien with all the fuzzy whatchamacallits singing 'I Like to Move It'.

Are you a morning person or a night person?
~ Nite. Our almighty god, Oogieboogiewishywashynambypambysissy frowns on day dwellers.

Do you want a solemn ceremony or a light one?
~ With the sacrifice of the virgin, I'd say it'd be pretty light.

Describe your ideal husband/wife?
~ Someone who brings the bacon home. Beef's ok too. Chicken.. maybe on Fridays.

Do you prefer fine dining or just the normal spoon & fork/knife?
~ What normal person has utensils for a meal? Crazy nut.

Champagne or red wine?
~ Virgin's blood actually. Refreshing.

Honeymoon right after the wedding or days after the wedding?
~ Right after. To the island of Papalopoduckus.

Money or household items?
~ Money FOR household items would be nice.

Who will pay for the bills?
~ We'll be living in a hut by a river in Papalopoduckus. No bills.

Are you ready for married life?
~ Heck. I've got 30 bucks lying around. Who wants to go register? I'm free tomorrow.

Do you think you will still be a virgin until you get married?
~ I don't think so. I might be the sacrifice at YOUR wedding.

Will you always be true to your wife/husband?
~ Wrong question. Will HE always be true to ME? Well, he'd better be. My good friends, Mr. Parang and Ms. Chainsaw await him if he doesn't.

How many kids would you like to have?
~ As many as the hut would hold. Which would be 0.5.

A new house for a newly wed or an old one?

~ Of course a new one. Made with fresh mud and cow poop. I do love that fresh hut smell. MmM..

What kind of cuisine would you like for your wedding?
~ Stuff that causes people to pop their arteries.

Will you record your honeymoon in VCD/DVD?
~ There would be a painter who would paint scenes from our wedding that I deem awesome enough to commemorate. Eg. When Uncle Eddie gets drunk and starts randomly grabbing boobs, be it, man, woman or donkey.

Whose wedding plans would you like to know next?
1. Jijul's
2. Amee Hee's
3. Jo's
4. Samuel's
5. Queen Cheesy's
6. Anyone who's kepo and/or bored with nothing to do.

Hello? Atkins diet much?

2009-01-09T20:11:00.003+08:00

School's a bitch which is pregnant with mudderfooking bitches. I know. What a way to start of the school year eh?

Armed with a bunch of swear words and nasty hand gestures, I'm sure it's as good as a kilo of Novocaine injected into my head when it comes to what we dread most.. SCHOOL.

Anyway, ever heard of pencil skirts?

Here's a pic, just for the people who don't get out much but have internet and happens to read my blog.

Yes, that's you, moron.

No face. I will not be responsible for sticky keyboards due to excessive wanking.

This is how famous people wear them.

The lady's boobs on the right has a smiley on it for the same reason stated in the picture before.

THIS is how SHE wears it.

Don't have a real photo. Had to substitute.

I apologize to the nice lady who let me make her look like a bloated walrus.

And furthermore, it's SUUUUPER tight.

There's this gap on the back of her skirt where the zip won't close.

I'd bet my porcelain tooth that if she bends down to get something, it'd burst open and her 'goodies' would hang out.

By 'goodies', I mean her layers of Swiss Rolls hanging off her pelvis.

Lady, you need to update your wardrobe.

No harm in buying a larger sized shirt, skirt... haiyah, all your clothes lah!

And quit using your husband's belt to 'belt' your shirt. The 'fashionable' ones are the ones which look like the WWE types.

Neh, the big big big ones! Must kiasu a bit! People wear 1 inch thick, you wear 3 inch la!

Trip to Singapore Zoo post coming soon.

My Christmassy Musings

2008-12-25T18:57:00.002+08:00

I'm celebrating my Christmas with Rojak, Bee Hoon, Po Piah, and Horlick Peng.

Awesome huh?

Anywho.

Spending my holidays in Singapore with free wireless!!

For once, technology's frickin amazing.

Left Kuching on Christmas Eve. I expected the AirAsia stewardesses to be dressed up like Santarinas 'cos ~~they'd look so frickin hot and tempt me into 'accidentally' molesting them~~ it'd be so nice and festive. I mean, FESTIVE!

Oh ya!! I stood behind a bunch of dudes smelling strongly of kolo mee!!! And in front of them was this disgruntled looking Malay couple. Bet they could smell the un-halal-ness.

Another thing.

BLOODY HELL!! I know it's not nice to swear on such an awesome day of the year, but..

I just HAD to choose seats in front of the spawn of Satan. They think they're mini-Beckhams on a penalty shoot. Babi. ~~hope they get explosive diarrhoea from the Maggi Cup they had~~

Stayed a night at my uncle's place.

Next day afternoon, around fourish, left for Singapore.

I've realised 1 thing.

Taxi drivers are flaming racists.

And so's my mom.

Comments flew back and forth like a ping pong match. No stone was left unturned. Even the Chinese, which we are, were commented on.

1 thing.

I mistook a sign saying Taman Tasik Pandan for Taman Tasik POndan.

That gave me quite a giggle as I imagined a lush green meadows with cute and fluffy baby animals, a silver-surfaced lake, and frolicking ladyboys waving their arms and fake boobs.

:)

I happy.

I is preteh!! (2nd post for today)

2008-12-23T22:08:00.003+08:00

*possessed by spirit of a chao ah lian killed by:

Accidentally strangling herself with her hot pink leggings with glitter and frying her head with a straightening iron bought from 100% Discount Store*

NehHxX..

CuT3 m@rHxX??

*Queen Cheesy performs excorsism by throwing holy water and cheese bits*

Damn.

I hot.

I is awesome artist

2008-12-23T22:05:00.002+08:00

Yvonne, the nenen princess tagged me.

Open paint, draw a kitty with eyes closed, post.

I is awesome yes?

Say yes!

Cilakak punya!!

2008-12-15T01:26:00.003+08:00

Hoi!

Why are my advertisements sprouting legs?!?!?!?!

They always pull disappearing acts then reappear, then disappear.

I blame them for any emotional damage I suffer.

My therapist say it's unhealthy.

So can put it up again??

Pliss pliss??

I let u pet my kitty??

My kitteh.

How 'bout some Skittles?

Eh, how?

*Wa lao eh. I really look like shit lorr. Bloody ns.*

So, can put up again??

Ish.. I'm so pathetic.

Personal ad

2008-12-13T15:02:00.005+08:00

I'm doing this ad pro bono.

Also 'cos I thought it'd be pretty damn funny.

And also 'cos my blog's ~~drier than Amy's cracked beyond recognition heels~~ been on an on and off hiatus.

Have you ever dated an asshole and thought, "What the Hell am I doing? I'm wasting my life with this complete asswipe."

Well, there is a solution to your problems.

Date THIS guy!

He's hardworking.

Can clean a disgusting black~~green~~board till nary a speck of chalk dust remains.

Can flaunt what his momma gave him.

Any takers?

Of tags and chipped fingernails.

2008-12-08T02:08:00.003+08:00

1. What's your most favourite colour?

~ The colour of multicoloured sprinkles. Wait, wait. MULTICOLOURED! I'm sooooo smart..

2. Who is the most important to you?

~ People who give me money.

3. How often do you think of committing suicide?

~ Eww.. Emo much. I'm always happy. I always have thoughts of fat pink and purple unicorns trotting across a meadow of little elves in jingly shoes.

4. Do you think you have enough confidence?

~ Puh-lease! Have you ever seen me? I leak confidence. That's why I always carry tissues.

5. How many babies you want?

~ 2-3 max. After that, SNIP SNIP!

6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?

~ Hmm.. sometimes. Other times, I believe little green Irish imps called Leprechauns appear and does a tap dance.

7. What is your goal for this year?

~ To not drink and drive. I might hit another bus. :)

8. Do you believe in eternal love?

~ Depends. On the size of the house. Limit on the credit card.

9. Do you think that the person who tag you, like to play kidnapping?

~ Nobody tagged me. I did this to exercise my sarcastic bone. It works fine, I think.

10. What are you really afraid of?

~ That chocolate would soon be an endangered species. Horrifying thought. CHOI CHOI CHOI!!

11. What is your bad habit?

~ I pick my feet. Eat off other people's plates. Talk reeeeeaaaaallyyy LOUDLY. etc.

12. Do u have a secret crush?

~ HAH!

13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?

~ Damn straight. I love my bitches, biatches, beyotches and.. the normies.

14. What does flying means to you?

~ Means me, sprouting huge white wings and a b-cup. What? B-cup still aerodynamic what.

15. In your phonebook (for your mobile phone) how many contacts in there are those of whom you REALLY know?

~ My contacts are all mouldy. My phone is a breeding ground for truffles. Send the pigs!

16. Are you single/relationship?

~ Why do you care?

17. Describe the person who tagged you in 5 words.

~ Non-existant

~ Looks like my computer screen (his zits spell out words and are clickable!)

~ Likes playing hide and seek cos I can't find him.

~ Invisible. He's shy.

~ Can I just have 4 since nobody frickin' tagged me?

18. What have you done to yourself to make yourself happy?

~ Buy things with other people's money. Which they give to me. Willingly.

19. What is your little wish? (as in little stuff like dying your hair orange and stuff)

~ That Santa will extend his freight services to South East Asia.

20: What you want the most?

~ A not so wet Xmas. My doggie doesn't like being wet on Xmas. Nobody does.

I tag:

Anyone who's bored outta their minds

Babi

2008-12-07T23:49:00.001+08:00

Jijul!

I marah.

Nah.

Change already.

Babi.

I make nu header

2008-12-01T01:51:00.000+08:00

Header pretti yah?

If not, tell meh.

I is AWESOME

2008-12-01T00:43:00.002+08:00

I is photoshopping nice picatoor ov me seester.

Nice, yes?

3rd post within the hour!

2008-11-17T22:29:00.003+08:00

I was trolling the endless recesses of cyberspace, and I stumbled upon this juicy equivalent of a mushroom and chicken pie (Starbucks, $8, +cheese, $10) on my 'journey'.

It's a quiz thing that asked:

What If Your Ex Said This To You?

(language has been tweaked as I do not want my readers to undergo rigorous stupification caused by the atrocious chao ah beng & ah lian Engrish)

Let the games begin...

1.Hi how are ya?
~ After I dumped you, I met these twins who won't squawk when I cover them in whip cream and *censored*. So, it's been pre-tty good. You?

2. Hey! You wanna go to the mall?!
~ Can't. Busy with the twins.

3. I LOVE U..
~ HAH. Now if I had a buck every time you threw THAT around, I'd be able to take a money bath.

4. DO u want some cookies?
~ Does it come with a free sledgehammer which I can then smash into your face 85830 times? No? Then, no thank you. I'm on a diet.

5. May I have a picture of you?
~ Can it be of when I'm 'busy' with the twins? Yes? PERV!

6.Help me in my homework!
~ Your SINGLE digit IQ should be enough.

7.Here's a gift for you...
~ You can use it as a butt plug.

8. Let's just be textmates
~ I didn't know unicellular lifeforms can text.

9. Do you want me to buy you an ipod?
~ Sure. Free stuff is always welcome.

10.Let's sit together in the bus
~ Nah, I'd rather take my chances with a rabid wolverine.

11. Hi dear
~ Hi asshole.

12. Your still handsome/beautiful!
~ Got even better looking once I dumped you. Your UGLY was rubbing off on me.

13. I still LOVE you!
~ Does your LOVE mean, wanna get in my pants? If so, kindly go fuck a babboon.

14. Can I visit your house?
~ No. I don't want it declared a bio-hazard.

15.Do you love me?
~ Wow, you're kinda slow eh?

Post this as..
WHAT IF YOUR EX SAID THIS TO YOU?
If you don't post it, you will lose your love one now

It's amazing how they always put no-brainer ultimatums like that.

A few more are:

-Your crush will never notice you *gasp*

-Your pet will die. CHOI CHOI!

-Your crush will die. CHOI!

Gawd, get a life people! Or at least get creative.

I'd personally use stuff like:

>You'll get raped by a horny babboon within the next 5.79 hours.

>An angry swarm of bees will mistake you as the idiot boy who poked at their nest with a sharp stick which killed their fat queen.

> Rabid squirrels will fall on your head everytime you walk under a tree.

Now those are what you call do or die.

I feel random therefore:

I declare myself DUTCHESS OF AWESOME-ITY.

Your liege must now partake in her slumber as her royal peepers feel like they're being scraped with sandpaper with every blink.

Cheerio, and all that claptrap.

Hot coldness

2008-11-17T22:16:00.002+08:00

Something to put a smile on my dear readers- which have dwindled to like, 3? including my pet fish- faces.

A picture says a thousand words.

Cheers!

falls on ground and starts twitching

2008-11-17T21:12:00.002+08:00

I've been photoshopping

Gasp!

My neck's gonna break

And I think I've broken the mouse

Results will be put up soon

Noticed. that. I. didn't. use. full. stops. ?

I'm going crazy

insert crying emoticon

2008-11-17T18:07:00.001+08:00

Nuffnang took away my flashing ad.

It's supposed to be over here>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

But no more liao.

Something fah-nee

2008-11-08T13:26:00.004+08:00

You know when people wanna get married, they turn into bridezilla/groomzilla from the time of the planning up to the wedding itself?

Yeah well, I saw something not quite like that.

Something to move them rusty brain cells.

Heartsy Myvi!!

Saw it on the road coupla weeks ago and took a bunch of pics.

Now THIS, is a laid back couple who don't mind making asses of themselves.

~~I bet they were damn plastered when they made the decision~~

Wife: I *hic* gotta great idea *hic*

Husband: Whaddya mean, hooneyyyy???

Wife: Let's stick a buncha cheap *hic* paper *hic* hearts all over our wedding car.

Husband: Well, I'll be damneddd. That's a great idea, sweeeeeeeeeeeetiiiiiie.

Wife: *Barfs into nearby drain*

Stupid people. Next time, use one of 'em fancy bridal studios with them packagy thingys where they'll decorate your car FOR you.

Honestly!

KoffkoffihatemuetgodiechaoCBchaoahguakoffkoff

2008-10-31T22:42:00.002+08:00

This blog has turned into an angry bitch's blog.

Again, I'm pissed.

This time, at this chao *toot toot*, chao ah gua who gave me 40/60 for my essay!!!!!!!

I shall unleash my pent up fury in Gibberish.

Bear with me.

WHADAFOOKISURFOOKINGPROBLEMYOUASSHOLISHPIECEOFCRAPWHOWEARSGODDAMNCHEAPPERFUME???!!!!!!!!!

Go fuck a horny babboon, you.. you...

Babboon who can't recognise a quality essay even if it's shoved in your futtbuckingly ugly face!!!!

Wait, wait, I think it'd be better if he/she/it was raped by said horny babboon. It'd be more just for the babboon.

I'll post something nice soon.

Unless something or someone pisses me off again.

Cheers.

Hello

2008-10-25T20:37:00.002+08:00

HellooOOooOOoooOOooo..

Where have the traffic gone?

Where have the pilgrims of my blog gone??

*emo*

I is Geram

2008-10-23T21:00:00.002+08:00

I is Geram.

I is Frustrated.

I is Pissed.

I is telling you why.

Last Saturday, me and Queen Cheesy went to badminton.

Song ah.

Whacked the innocent little shuttlecock like I was some CCB Chao Ah Beng, Chao Ah Long, and it owed me money.

Then Uncle Francis (old dude who teaches little kiddies there how to play badminton) suggested that me and Queen Cheesy should play mixed doubles.

My mind immediately scanned the court for any hot guys.

What we ended up with were 2 skinny but tall as hell guys who'd look much better if their hormones had kicked in.

Okay. Play lorrr...

Play play play. Then the guy Queen Cheesy was partnered with turned to me and asked,

"Eh, amoi! What's the score?"

*cue exagerrated gasping*

CCB lah.

I'm older than you, little boy.

DON'T FOOKING CALL ME AMOI!!

I got enough of the amoi-ing during NS.

I don't need a somewhat pubescent BOY calling me something some dirty ah pek called me during one of the crappiest times of my life.

Harummphhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's why I is GERAM.

I is pissed is cause some asshole has the gall to contact me, asking what oporium & natium meant.

Whaddafook?

I'm not a *bleep*-ing walking dictionary which you can use and then chuck to some cobwebby

corner after you're *bleep*-ing done eh?!

Oh, and apparently, oporium and natium's not even in the frickin dictionary.

What? Funny issit to ask me some asswipe-ish question?

Fooking dumbfuck.

Oops. That 'accidentally' came out.

Fuck you.

Oops. I'm careless today.

*middle finger*

Darn. My tongue's kinda loose today.

Fuckyousonofaneffingbitchhopeyoudieofsyphillis

Well, that felt better.

Oh ya.

I is frustrated cos of exam.

CCB ah.

Out of 50 OBJECTIVE questions for Chemistry, I could do like, 2.

The rest were carefully tembak-ed, rest assured.

Math was b.r.u.t.a.l.

Me brain hurted :(

Tembak-ing was out of the question, but I tried.

Unsuccessfully, mind.

All in all, it's been a clusterfuckish 2 weeks.

I.NEED.CHOCOLATES!

SOMEBODY should send me those Belgian chocolates I crave for because YOU live so close to Belgium, and it's DIRT cheap.

SOMEBODY better read this and get my hint.

Ngehhhhh...

2008-10-15T21:53:00.002+08:00

Bodoh punya maths.

Chao CB lah.

Ngehhhhhhhhhhh.

No mood to blog funny things ah.

I shall be funny again after the clusterfuckish exam.

EeEiIiI!! Post number 44 lehh.

Waaaa...

Geng lehh!!!!!!!!

Can you all hear the sarcasm? Or rather, read it. Or sense it through your keyboard?

If you can't, then you suck.

Seriously.

I'm bitchy this week.

Be warned.

Tag ini sangat mah fan lahh!

2008-10-05T20:09:00.004+08:00

Three names you go by:
~Susan, Bitch, A-Cup Goddess

Three screen names you have had:
~Chem men-cb-kan, Bio men-cb-kan, Maths paling men-cb-kan

Three physical things you like about yourself:
~My wit, charm and humour. XD

Three physical things you DON'T like about yourself:
~My zits, my elephantpigbuffalo size legs, my weakness for anything covered in chocolate

Three parts of your heritage:
~Chinese. Char sio forever!!!
~Cina. Babi selama-lamanya!!!
~Teng nang cha bo. Chao cb!!!!!

Three things that scare you:
~ Anything with more legs than I do
~ Contaminated China products
~ Tags.

Three of your everyday essentials:
~ Phone
~ Bra
~ Water?

Three things you're wearing right now:
~ Pyjama top
~ Pyjama bottom
~ Skin

Three of your favourite bands or musical arts (currently):
~ What's a musical art?
~ Can I not fill in a favourite band?
~ Honestly, I have no frickin idea how to answer this thing.

Three of your favourite songs (right now):
~ With you by Chris Brown
~ So what by Pink
~ All I want for Christmas by whoever sings it the nicest.

Three things you want in a relationship:
~ Whip cream
~ Chocolate syrup
~ Fluffy handcuffs.

(yes, I'm a pervert)

Three physical things about the preferred sex that appeals to you: (yum..)
~ Height (taller than me, 1cm counts too)
~ Delicious-ness
~ Humour

Three of your hobbies:
~ Sing!!
~ Eat
~ Bitch

Three thing you wanna do really badly right now:
~ Have chocolate
~ Have something covered in chocolate
~ Go to Belgium and eat a whole wheelbarrow-full of chocolate!!!!!

Three careers you're considering/considered before:
~ English lecturer
~ Bum
~ Rock star (what?!)

Three places you wanna go on vacation:
~ Florence, Italy (manyak cantik tauuu!!)
~ Egypt (I wanna see camels and mummies!)
~ Paris, France (to see if the French are really smelly and i wanna have REAL croissants)

Three things you want to do before you die:
~ Get married
~ Get rich
~ Have many cute children

Three ways that you are Stereotypical a girl/guy:
~ I have boobs. Ok la. I know the girls are small, but still can see what....
~ I wear a skirt. Actually, it's part of the uniform, but still..
~ My chromosomes say that I am. Hah! Beat that, bitch!

Four people that you would like to see take this quiz now:
~ Amy
~ Queen Cheesy
~ Jijul!!
~ Anybody who gives a crap.

Hoi!

2008-09-30T23:55:00.002+08:00

Anybody knows how to fix my taik lembu template?

If any of you can make steaming heap of cow excrement look si beh si beh si beh si beh si beh si beh si beh si beh suiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii... I'll..........

Umm......

Chia you eat something really really nice!!!

I'm serious.

It does look like a pile of bovine poop.

You really wanna help, leave me a comment ah.

Oh yeah. 1 more thing.

Eligible for people living in Kuching.

Preferably people that I know.

What?!

I'm afraid of cyber perverts too lah!

Tips are very very welcome too!!!

Cheers!

Ish. Taik lembu betul lah.

Babi punya tag

2008-09-29T23:33:00.004+08:00

Tagged by Samuel Kana Lis

1.What is the relationship between you and him?
~He tagged me. *$&^%^#%$^%$%^!!!!!

2. Your 5 impressions about him:
~He tagged me.

~His sis is hot.

~He mumbles.

~He's far far away.

~... He tagged me.

3. The most memorable things he has done for you.
~Tagging me and expecting me to answer the questions seriously. Hah! Showed you didn't I?? NyahNyahNyah. :P I'm bitchy today.

4. The most memorable thing he has said to you.
~*mumble*mumble*mumble* Hi Susan! *mumble*youreabitch*mumble*

5. If he becomes your lover, you will...

~Go to jail. He's not legal. *sigh*

6. -question lost- [?????]
~No comment.

7. If he becomes your lover, he has to improve on...
~His age. I'd become a convicted sexual offender.

8. If he becomes your enemy, the reason would be...
~He's mean? (I dunno what else to say lah.)

9. The most desirable thing to do with him is...
~Cover him with chocolate syrup and whip cream and.. oops, he's underage. Umm... play jump rope?

10. The overall impression of him is...
~Cute. Jeez, I'm a perv.

11. How do you think the people around you feel about you?
~That I'm a crazy bitch. Doi.

12. The character you like about yourself is...
~I'm a crazy bitch.

13. On the contrary, the character you hate about yourself is...
~My inability to be sane.

14. The most ideal person that you want to be is...
~Michael Jackson. I wanna be able to change my nose like an accessory!!

15. For the people who like and care about you, say something to them.
~There're people who like and care about me? Cool..

16. 10 friends to tag:
1. Jo
2. Amy
3. Queen Cheesy
4. Mr Kacang
5. Ajijul
6. Von Von (nenen!!)
7. Michael Jackson
8. Elvis Presley
9. Popeye
10. Mashimaro

17. Who is no2 having a relationship with? (Amy)
~Chippedy Chip Chip.

18. Is no.3 a male or a female? (Queen Cheesy)

~Cheese do not have gender, dolt.

19. If no.7 and no.10 were together, would it be a good thing? (MJ & Mashimaro)
~Erm. Inter-species love is ok too. *Barf*

20. How about no.5 and no.8? (Jijul and Elvis)
~EeEeEe.. Jijul's a necrophiliac.

21. What is no.1 studying about? (Jo)
~Gynaecology. heh. Seriously, I think it's engineering o something.

22. Is no.4 single? (Mr. Kacang)
~Erm. I think so.

23. Say something about no.6?
~Nenen!!!

I shall be mean and not tag you all. Ignore question no. 16.

Cheers.

Vandalism

2008-09-21T17:57:00.005+08:00

Today is Sunday.

I was bored.

So, I decided to torture my sweet innocent kitty.

I can now officially say that I've vandalised a cat before.

But

I can't say that with a straight face.

Nah, pictures.

With a pen.

Process of drawing.

MiMi sangat tulan.

Even more tulan-er.

What do you think that is? Free cookie to anyone who guesses correctly.

Happy ~~moron~~ me.

Not dark enough. So, I used a marker.

Under construction.

Ta-dahh!!!

I give you.....

NAZI CAT!!

hahahahhahahahahhahaahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahaha!

*no animals were harmed in the making of this post*

To any animal rights activists out there:

Shut the fook up. I used a xylene-free marker. I didn't draw on her skin. It's on her fur. Fook off!

Cheers.

Leo Club antics

2008-09-19T18:43:00.016+08:00

I joined the SMKBL Leo Club.

Yay.

I can hear the gasps and I think someone just had a heart attack.

Anyway.

On the 28th of July '08, there was a Leo dinner.

I went.

I just heard someone scream before they shot their brains out.

Moving on.

~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^

1 week before....

Conversation between Fat Bitch and I:

Fat Bitch: Eh, wanna meet handsome Italian men?

Me: *wipes drool off chin* Hell yeah!

Fat Bitch: Got Leo din-

Me: I'm in!!!!!

Fat Bitch: It's on the 28th.

Me: *starts thinking about what to wear* Huh? Yeah. Okay. *starts planning my strategy on how to seduce the Italian men*

Fat Bitch: Oh yeah, there're gonna be Japanese there too *gets glazed look on face*.

Me: Uh-huh. You gonna try pick any one of them up?

Fat Bitch: Of course! Who can resist my manly charm and boyish good looks?

Me: *Bursts out laughing, falls over and continues to laugh while rolling all over the floor*.

Fat Bitch: -.-

Me: *Laughs till face turns purple*

~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^

Fast forward to the dinner.

I'll let the pics do the talking ~~'cos I'm too lazy to type stuff~~

Before the Youth Exchange people arrived, took a pic of 2 cutie pies.

Yay! They arrived!

The Japanese.

The Japanese are so cute lah.

Wei Ting's nose is such a limelight grabber.

This poor thing had the flu and fever.

She still looked cute.

The awesome power of the Japanese I guess.

My arm looked gross.

Therefore, I censored it.

And the moment of anticipation arrives!

The Italians have come!!!!!

2 walked through the door....

No more liao.

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!

I shot daggers at Fat Bitch.

He shrugged. ~~cos the 2 who walked through the door were really hot chicks!~~

Damn..

Anyway, one of them, Esther Didn'tCatchHerLastName, came and sat at our table.

Fat Bitch was of course the happiest lah.

She sat next to him mah.

Anyway, pics!

Like the pic says, Wahhhhhhhhh!!!!

She sooo well endowed.

Ahem.

I mean busty.

I MEAN.. PRETTY!

Unfair! Why mine so small?!??!!!?!?!

Happy high Fat Bitch.

Blur and cute!

I mean the Japanese gal lahh...

Group pic with Esther and... her friend.

Our boss' vest has got so many shiny badges!!

Girls group pic!

Me, *refer to the pic*, Wei Ting & Wei Xin.

Damn you PhotoScape!

It's Kurumi Otsuka.

Notice my pinky?

I'm trying to be different.

D'you think he owns the mountain?

Or maybe the apples and pears....

Hmm.. *finds a rock and does the 'Thinking Man' pose*

Somebody took a nap.

ZzzZzzZzz...

This guy's last name is Ogawa lehh!!!

Serious!!!!

Me, Japanese cutie, Malaysian cutie, and 3 other cuties from Dunnowhere.

I love her yukata!!

It's prettyyyyyyyy!!!

I wantttt!!!

Somebody buy for me!

Pretty Japanese lady with pretty Malaysian ladies!

Took 2 tries to get this pic right.

*koffWeiTing'sfaultkoff*

Our table's group photo!

We so FLYYY!

With Cutie pie #1, Wei Ting & slice o' apple, and Cutie pie #2, Ling Ling!!!

Me being mean to an emo-esque bunny.

Stupid Fat Bitch.

Don't thing I haven't forgiven you for telling me there were HOT seducable ITALIAN MEN when how many showed up?

ZILCH.

Oh well, still had tons of fun.

I'm liking the Leo Club alot.

PS: Yes, Fat Bitch is a guy.

PSS: He's not really THAT fat. He just USED to be. But the name stuck.

PSSS: Fat Bitch, if you're reading this, YOU SUCK!

Rantings.

2008-09-06T12:18:00.003+08:00

Ever heard of haze?

What?! Never?!

Wah piang ah.

You must be the type to never come out of the house unless your mother uses a crowbar to pry you away from the computer/television/phone/microwave to accompany her to go bra shopping.

That must be why you would bother reading this dried up excuse for a blog.

Anyway, usually, this haze thing happens around the middle of the year. Usually, the Malaysian government will blame this on Indonesia.

Most of the time, it is quite true.

Farmers there poor mah. The only way they can clear land for farming is by potong dan bakar (slash and burn) lorr.

And when they do that, the smoke from the burning hitchhike on the monsoon winds and blanket Malaysia with it's godawful...

AWFULNESS.

Bau tau? And whenever it comes, everybody has runny, drippy noses caused by dunno what kinds of particles in the smoke entering our nasal orrifices.

Yucky lah!

But not all of the haze comes from Indonesia.

BEHOLD!

Nah, you see?!

Blame Indon for what?

Ceh.

Fuck You! Yes, you!

2008-08-29T22:14:00.002+08:00

This blog post shall be filled with naughty words and anger-fueled expletives.

Disclaimer: This didn't happen to me. It happened to someone who ~~chia me eat alot of times~~ is very close to me

*takes deep breath*

FUCK YOU.

Yes, you.

You're probably not reading this as you're too goddamn stupid and you're goddamn brain can't process the simplest of English.

Eh, honestly, you think you're God's gift to women ah?

You're high off your balls if you think you're anywhere near that. Please, I'm more appealing to women than you.

Oh no I didn't! *snaps fingers ghetto style*

Oh yes I did, asswipe.

Here's what I've thought of you for the past year. (Gawd, I wonder how she put up with you?)

You:

Are a fat fuck.

Are a butt fugly asshole (actually, saying that would insult every man, woman, child, and not to forget animals out there with an asshole. Except yours. It's because you ARE one.)

Are GAY-looking. Fag.

Have an IQ equivalent to a bowl of laksa. Scratch that. It would put me off my laksa for the rest of my life. Make it, a stick of celery.

Are a dipshit.

Are a dumbfuck.

Okay.

Here's what you should do:

Go jump off a cliff where at it's bottom, there are millions of mutated cactuses with huge fucking thorns and 9846520 hungry crocodiles and komodo dragons to rip apart what's left of you after the cactuses have pierced through all your internal organs, including your eyeballs.

Go fuck a pogo stick. May it disembowel you and leave you in a puddle of blood and gore on the floor. Whereby, I shall dump salt into your disemboweled rectum and after that pour kerosene on your intestines; and as the piece de resistance, set them on FIRE.

Go to China and get diarrhoea. Not JUST diarrhoea. Explosive, uncontrolable, shit-in-your-pants-if-you're-a-second-late-to-the-toilet diarrhoea. After that, your asshole shall grow copious amounts of haemorhoids and cause you a bloody, shitty death.

Here's what I hope happens in the near future:

Your balls shrivel up, turn black, and fall off. Whereby, after that, your parents disown you because you can no longer spermitate (like lactate with breast milk, except it's with 'tadpoles') and make children, forcing you to become the world's ugliest tranny and have to work at Petanak till you're old, bent and no longer be able to be butt-fucked at the risk of breaking a hip.

You fall down in a big, big monsoon drain. (tame no? I'm not finished yet.) Where huge alligator snapping turtles, crocodiles and various carnivorous flower horn fish live in harmony and group together to rip you up into itsy bitsy bite-sized pieces and eat you with a helping of tartar sauce.

You get raped by a horny babboon with a dick the size of a fire hydrant.

*takes another deep breath*

You lard-assed, fuckfaced, dickweed, buttfucking little shit.

Come near her, and you'll die a slow, agonizing, fire hydrant-sized death.

To my readers (like 12 of you?):

I shall be the fun Susan again in future posts.

Eh, anybody realised that I didn't use any Chinese swear words in this post?

Kan Ni Neh ah..

My Baking Store Adventures.

2008-08-21T17:46:00.006+08:00

Before I launch into yet another ranting about a local baking store, here's an appetizer which has NOTHING to do with the topic.

Consume 6 times a day with 4 batteries.

2 Big Red Dots will appear on visage within a week of consumption.

Electricity will kick in after 3 weeks.

~~Cuteness~~ Results may vary.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, whatever. Back on topic.

Once upon a time, MaMaSita, wanted to buy baking supplies to make totally tongue-gasmic pastries to stuff her fat, piggy children with.

She, The Almighty Baking Goddess, dragged along her 1st piggy child, yours truly, to the baking store.

This big piggy took many pictures and made fun of the Engrish she saw on display.

MaMaSita said, "Oi, you crazy ah?"

This silly piggy then replied, "What... funny mah.."

MaMaSita rolled her eyes.

This piggy shall let the pictures do all the talking as this piggy ~~is too lazy to type it all out~~ thinks these pics speak louder than her fingers.

What? Dunno how to copy and paste meh?

Label says RED CHERRY BIRTS. 1st of all, IT'S NOT RED!! Must be colour blind ah.

And what the watermelon is a BIRT?

*looks in dictionary*

BIRT~ Birt\ (b[~e]rt), n. [OE. byrte; cf. F. bertonneau. Cf. Bret, Burt.] (Zo["o]l.) A fish of the turbot kind; the brill. [Written also burt, bret, or brut.] [Prov. Eng.]

So, who wants GREEN fish bits on their cake? Any takers?

In reference to the other pic, what is PELL?

*refers to trusty dictionary*

PELL~ Er`y*sip"e*las\, n. [L., fr. Gr. 'erysi`pelas; 'eryqro`s red + pe`lla hide, skin. See Red, and Pell, n.] (Med.) St. Anthony's fire; a febrile disease accompanied with a diffused inflammation of the skin, which, starting usually from a single point, spreads gradually over its surface. It is usually regarded as contagious, and often occurs epidemically.

Er, anybody for cake with skin disease drizzled on top?

EeEeEeeeeEeEeEEeEeEeEEe...

Need I say more? Bunch of dumb dumb labellers there.

Another typo or whatever they choose to call it.

Ookay. Now, who the papaya wants to have calcium sulphate in their cake?

Sounds like a very dodgy chemistry experiment.

Anti mold (mould), I understand. But shouldn't bakeries sell their cakes, bread, pastries, bla bla bla, BEFORE they get mouldy? Suspicious no?

The other thing is amonia (ammonia) chow fun. According to Her Almighty Baking-ness, MaMaSita, it's the stuff put in 'you cha kueh'.

The blurry chinese words there say 'chou fen'. Literal meaning: Smelly powder.

1 thing I can't stop pondering about is, What the fork is ammonia doing in my you cha kueh?

Isn't ammonia the stuff used to clean toilets?

Add the smelly powder again..

EeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEe...

Well, there you have it. Now you know some of the freaky, deaky stuff they put in your pastries.

MKL! CCB! KNN! SNN! SNKY!

2008-07-30T18:45:00.004+08:00

This post is inspired by an incident which was very men-cb-kan that happened last week.

Oh yeah. The title of this post is inspired by this post.

The first three have already been explained.

As for the last 2, I have recently obtained them from my wuvvable, adorable.....

Granny (who cooks delicious food)!!

Granny. With her Mother's Day gift.

Ok. The moment y'all have been holding your ~~shit/pee~~ breaths for.

SNN: Sa Ni Neh.

Literal Meaning: Kill your mother.

Real Meaning: Same as boh kah si, but directed to your parents.

SNKY: Sa Ni Ku Yong.

Literal Meaning: Kill your ass. I know, wtf right?

Real meaning: Also the same as boh kah si, but this time, it's directed to your grandparents.

ANYWAY!

Before I go on, I wanna make it clear.

Tiao = Fuck

Back to the topic.

On the 23rd of July, I hit a stupid school bus and guess what?

My car got so tiao-ing dinged up and the blardy bus got like this itty bitty scratch only!!!

Mai Koo Koo Jiao lah!

And the most cb-ing thing is, I had to pay the lady 50 bucks.

Ok lah. It's reasonable I guess. Cause it was my fault. But I'm hormonal and when I'm hormonal, I get like really tiao-ing bitchy and annoyed at small small things.

Nah, I let you guys assess the damage for yourself.

The scraped-off yellow paint from the tiao-ing bus and the fooking dents.

Scratttccccccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

Big Big Scratch!!!!!!!

Another shot of the scratches.

My car says, "Ouch, bitch!"

Hey, now that I think about it, the accident wasn't 100% my fault. 55.72% was the bus lady's fault. No, I'm not saying this just because I'm righteously pissed at hitting something for the 1st time. I'm saying this because it's tiao-ing TRUE!!

That lady parked the bus rigghhhhttt in front of me. Leaving like a 1 inch space for me to move. Luckily, the car behind me wasn't stuck to my car's ass.

HER. BUS. WAS. PARKED. SENGET.

IT'S. ARSE. WAS. JUTTING. OUT.

So, naturally, I hit the bus' arse with my car's ~~sexy~~ body.

TIAO.

Ini post tarak ada gambar.

2008-07-16T22:02:00.003+08:00

I'm happy. My mommy gave me the spare key to the Unser. Yay.

Conversation between me and mum:

Mum: Woi girl!

Me: *blur abit* Haaaah? Whaaaat?

Mum: Nah! *hands me spare keys to the Unser*

Me: *confused a bit* Eh, I thought you said it's missing?? Where did you find it ah?

Mum: OoOoOoOoOo... Nehhh... In the Merc lorr....

Me: =.= Whattttt....... Oh yeah, I can hang whatever I want on it right right right???

Mum: Cincai you lahh!

Me: Yay!

Mum: Chee Sien.. *rolls eyes*

Another thing I'm happy about. I earned 50 cents from nuffnang. Yay-er.

What lahh. I know I'm not exactly like a super duper good sampai gila punya blogger, but it's the first time I earned anything by posting up crap mah. Bear with me.

~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>~>

Okay, with the crap aside, I shall post about something intellectual.

Something that will test the powers of that grey squishy thing in your respective craniums.

Something so mind boggling that scientists studying this occurence has flung up their hands and proceeded to play 3958460 rounds of Boggle.

A horrific, abominable, blood-curdling, repulsive, vile scourge that affects the youth of today.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is...

Swearing that involves body parts of people who are being sworn at.

Usually, in Malaysia, the perpetrators of this heinous act are usually the chao ah lians and their male counterparts, the chao ah bengs.

Here's an example:

Scene 1

Chao ah lian + chao ah beng are cruising around in his Perodua Kelisa which has been tricked out to look like a horribly mutated Mercedes Benz, which actually resembles a scrap metal yard on wheels. Brain numbing sounds such as BOOM, BEEP, TOOT, HONK etc, emanate from the itsy bitsy stereo which the chao ah beng is so proud of. *probably stolen from a Kenari*

Ah Beng: CCB lah!! My new stereo system so keng ahh. Listen until so shiok leh.

Ah Lian : Ya lorrhhxx, lao gong!!! KNN ahrrrxxx. See? Everyone on the road so0o0o jealous of us nerrhxxx.

Ah Beng: Woi, MCB lah! I think it's because your shirt not enough cloth and your nenen going to fall out lah. Or maybe it's the mini-mini skirt you're wearing which you bought for RM9.90 at AH LIAN 'R' US that is barely covering your CB.

Ah Lian : But I think I look very cute lerrhhhxxx....

Ah Beng: True ohso.

END SCENE.

Reference:

CCB - Chao Ci Bai.

Literal meaning: Smelly vah-jay-jay.

KNN - Kan Ni Neh

Literal meaning: Erm, something that has to do with a person's boobies.

CB - Ci Bai

Literal meaning: Vagina

Scene 2:

Chao ah lian + Chao ah beng go to a coffeeshop to eat pork based products

Ah Beng: Tauke! 2 bowls of 'kolo mee', 8 'sio bee's, 4 bowls of 'kueh chap', 5 pieces of 'ba gua', and a Horlick peng for my gf.

Tauke : *Looks at Ah Lian and thinks ~Wah lau ey, already so fat that need to sit on 2 chairs, still want to eat so much ahh.. Siaooooo...~* Erm, anything else boss?

Ah Beng: *Realises that the tauke was looking at his bovine-sized gf and transformed into The Not-So-Incredible But Thinks He Is, Hulk*

Tauke : Wahhhh... Got special effect wan ahh....

Hulk Ah Beng: MCCB, KNNBCCB, MKL, MKKJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tauke : Eh, get so angry for what, boy?

Hulk Ah Beng: LOOK AT MY HOT GF FOR WHAT? WANNA DIE AH? CHAO AH PEK! KI SI LAHH! AH LIAN! WE'RE LEAVING!

Tauke : Eh, you still want your Horlick Peng or not?

END SCENE.

Reference:

MCCB - Mai Chao Ci Bai

Literal meaning: Mai means don't want, so, Don't want a Smelly Vagina.

KNNBCCB - Kan Ni Nao Bu Chao Ci Bai

Literal meaning: I'm not sure what 'Kan' means, but it has to do with your mother's vagina.

MKL - Mai Ku Liu

Literal meaning: Don't want a penis.

MKKJ - Mai Koo Koo Jiao

Literal meaning: Same as MKL

Chao Ah Pek - Smelly old guy

Ki Si - Go die

See see? Even the elderly are subjected to curses in Hokkien that originate from the various anatomy on a human being.

P.S. Can someone tell me what KNN means?

P.S. Definitions may or may not be accurate. If I'm wrong, tell me, I'll change 'em. If I'm not, but you insist that I'm wrong, go perform cunninglingus on a hot curling tong. :)

Me No likey Math.

2008-07-08T15:57:00.002+08:00

I do not like Math.

It sucks ass.

And the teacher's guilty of fashion crime #1.

VPL!!

Those who have no idea what a VPL is, no, it is not:

x Very Pathetic Legs

x Vulnerable Pockmarked Leper

x Violet Painted lady

It is...

VISIBLE PANTY LINE!

EeeEEeeEEeeEEeeEEeeEEeeEEeeEEeeEE..

And furthermore, her ass is fat.

The excess booty flesh oozes out, and therefore, there's this sorta camel toe effect happening right on her gluteaus maximus.

She wears tight skirt again ah.

Oh yeah. She's got this roll of adipose tisue which sticks out and screams, "Look at me and my jiggly-ness!"

Her shirts do not fully cover le protrusion. Tre un-chic.

And, lady, it wouldn't hurt for you to smile you know.

Her face manyak the saggy you know.

She makes me wanna go to Hush Puppies, grab one of the many plushie Basset Hounds on display, ironing their faces while imaginin that it's her's and laughing maniacally while spit flies from my mouth.

Hah. Post ends here. Manyak random hor?

Toilet paper is smashingly smexayy!!

2008-07-07T15:44:00.004+08:00

I've more or less gone completely ba-doing-doing bonkedy bonkers. Blame Eugene. He just HAD to bring toilet paper to Sports Day and he just HAD to let me find it. I swore not to put it up in my friendster.

So, I put it here instead.

I'm mean.

Oh yeah, by the way, I've discovered that toilet paper is quite sexy. Even if it's job is to wipe stuff off other stuff. Usually, the latter 'stuff' is our respective bums.

Funny pics in

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4
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3
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2
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MmMmMmMm.. Smexy-ness..

Practicing my superlatives.

Disclaimer: This post is meant to be random. Any discomfort is regretted by the author (regret my foot!).

Minor seizures, curse-age at random inanimate objects, actions such as:

>toh huek (puking of blood)

>long-ing random piaks

>oh-ing of pi sai (picking of boogers)

are not caused by as said author. Anyone who thinks otherwise is just a random asshole. Cheers!

Kinky-ness

2008-07-06T18:02:00.005+08:00

Had sports day (4/7/08-5/7/08). Marched, screamed my lungs out, literally. Got really really tan. Quota of freckles on my face have increased to like a bajillion (minor exagerration).

WTF!!!!!

I. feel. a. need. to. use. short sentences.

So, I shall.

Day started off fine. Sunny. TOO SUNNY! Parked car. Like crap might I add.

Went in. Found seat. Sat. Saw Mr. Kacang. Waved like a lunatic. Mr Kacang waved back.

Queen Cheesy took pictures. I was in the crossfire. Woe is me.

Staring off into space.

Staring at cracker.

Oh yeah. I marched. Dressed like a nurse. Didn't manage to get pic while marching. Instead, did it at home.

Whatev......

Oh, yeah. It rained.

OOOooookayyy. Period of short sentences has been declared over. If any of my readers (what, like 10 of you?) are wondering what's up with the title of the post, it has to do with the whole nurse thing.

What? I'm not dumb kay?

Dudes in my class used to always talk about doctor/nurse porn. Even in movies, nurses are portrayed as gold-digging 'ho's/oversexed, busty, usually blonde bimbos, who seduce doctors for money or really great albeit, medical sex.

I have proved those a-holes who stereotype nurses as sexpots, W.R.O.N.G!!

Come on lah! Get real. Look at me. Oversexed?? I think not. (sometimes.. only in my head nia la). And I've especially un-proved the busty part too. *Looks down shirt and sighs*

My future husband better be good to me.

*nudge nudge, wink wink*

Clickity clickums

2008-06-29T16:28:00.002+08:00

I have just added Nuffnang onto my blog. I was driven to do this because, I. N.E.E.D. M.O.N.E.Y.

I would appreciate it if my readers would do as the title and clickity click on the ad. I will love you unconditionally and chia you makan makan barang ~~murah-murah~~ sedap sedap!

As I am not the normal teen who spends like 32541 hours online a day, I do not deny the fact that I am technologically handicapped.

Oh, woe is me!

Putting up that little 7cm ad took, like, eleventy jillion hours coupled with alot of swearing, questionable hand gestures and pulling of hair. I now have 681 bald spots on my head.

Money earned from the ad thingy will go into a nice wig which will make me look ~~hot~~ remotely human.

And remember to clickity click click!!!

CLICK DAMMIT!!!!!

Because I'm Awesome

2008-06-29T15:31:00.003+08:00

I love this song. It says so much about me. *perasan-ness*

Oh yeah, thanks Tall Guy, for recommending this song.

BECAUSE I'M AWESOME

I`ve got the new style, uh oh

And I`m walking right down your street

I`m on your speed dial, you know

The one everyone wants to meet

I always tell you how great you dress

It`s cause I`m fashionably socialized

You`re smarter, better, no, the best

Just look at me

I`m a leader, I`m a winner, And I`m cleaner

Cause I`m awesome

I don`t need you cause I`m neato and I beat you

Cause I`m awesome

That`s right

They say I`m gifted, uh huh

Well I`m a certified prodigy

I`m gonna own you, uh huh

I`m gonna bring you to your knees

I always tell you how smart you are

It`s cause my brain is really supersized

You`re an academic superstar

Just look at me

I`m a leader, I`m a winner, And I`m cleaner

Cause I`m awesome I don`t need you cause I`m neato and I beat you

Cause I`m awesome

That`s right

Got a career plan, uh huh

Gonna make lots of money

And bought a self tan, uh huh

Don`t I look healthy?

I always tell you how great you smell

It`s cause I`m naturally deodorized

You`re stronger, faster and can spell

Just look at me

I`m a leader, I`m a winner, And I`m cleaner

Cause I`m awesome I don`t need you cause I`m neato and I beat you

Cause I`m awesome

That`s right
Rah rah rah rah rah rah rah!

Rah rah rah rah rah rah rah!

Rah rah rah rah rah rah rah!

I don`t need you

Cause I`m Awesome Uh huh

Kebodohan Yang Tidak Terhingga.

2008-06-24T22:06:00.003+08:00

Some Malaysians are G.U.L.L.I.B.L.E.

Some Malaysians are just plain D.U.M.B.

Why?

Bodoh!

Still need to ask ah?

Ok lah ok lah. Give you all a chance to redeem yourself.

Today (tonight actually), 24th June, I went to pick up my sis, Queen Cheesy from some bodoh tuition that's quite far away. On the way, I saw Malaysians being, well, Malaysians.

I didn't have the oppurtunity to take pics. :(

But on the way back....

Sorry lah. Blur blur.

Ok Ok. Rewind first.

My Auntie LiLi called my mummy to have their daily bitchin' session. She (auntie) told mum that she should go and 'reload' her fuel.

Conversation between Mum & LiLi (actually in Cantonese):

LiLi: Eh, later you should go ta yau (refuel).

Mum: What for? You think so cheap ah? Can song song go ta yau? Money doesn't grow on trees ahh.

LiLi: I hear from people that the fuel stations are going to go on strike on Thursday and Friday ah. If really happen, sure die lorr.

Mum: Haiya, these people sek bao mou ye zhou (lepas makan, terlalu free). Anyway, if Thursday and Friday no fuel, take the day off lorr. Not our fault what. Car, bus, taxi, motorcycle, lorry cannot move mahh! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *laughs like orang gila*

LiLi: Chi sien (crazy).

Mum: Aiyo, this kind of thing most probably started by the people 'inside' bah. These few days, business slow mah. Start rumour lorr.

LiLi: OoOoOo.. True true. Shitttt!! Baby's crying ah. Talk to you later. Shaddap lah! (to baby)

Mum: .....

The last part- where LiLi yells at her baby- is fabricated. Well, not really...

Evidently, someone with alot of phone credit HAD to spread the stewpitttttt rumour and cause alarm kepada semua lapisan masyarakat. I repeat.... BODOH!

So, most of the nation's apeks, ah mahs, ah lians, ah bengs.. Aiyah! EVERYBODY LAH, went to line up at fuel stations.

GILA BABI.

Sorry ah. Picture not so nice. But you get the idea right?

Oh yeah.

If there were any Malay people in the picture, consider yourself, GILA LEMBU.

What? Babi not halal mah.

See? I'm considerate.

XD

Hanami (flower viewing) in Malaysia

2008-06-21T12:51:00.005+08:00

Hanami is this festival thingy in Japan where all the ~~kaki botol~~s people who appreciate nature flock in droves to parks to gape at the sakura (cherry blossom) flowers that more or less pop up overnight. Actually, it's just an excuse for them to go picnicking with family or for people to get drunk and sing loud, obscene songs.

Sadly, we, living in Malaysia, have no such festival because we're a tropical country which means our weather's too hot to go and tengok tengok bunga. Picnicking is out of the question unless you wanna go home looking like a boiled lobster.

Fortunately, somebody up there decided to give us a little taste of Japan. So, all you flower power hippies out there, you better read this.

Today, Saturday, June 21st, I went to eat pork leg rice after school-type stuff. After we (Mummy, Queen of cheese, Jasmine tea and I) makan all the barang tak halal, we piled into the car to go home.

We noticed something....

Alot of those were lying on the ground. So, naturally, we tilted our heads at a 48.9 degree angle and saw something tre pretty.

This:

So, I whipped out my little 2megapixel camera and pressed my face against the window- to the point where I felt my nose was going to cause a permanent dent in the window (slight exagerration)- to try and get a good shot of this little unnatural occurence.

Conversation between Mummy and us:

Mummy: Oi, look at the tree. *pokes me in the ribs* Wahhh.. hen mei ahh (so manyak cantik).

Me, Queen Cheesy, Jasmine Tea: You want harr? We get for youu!!!!

Mummy: Shen jing ping (gila ah)..

Me: Mummy, slow down. I wanna blog about this later.

Mummy: Haiyo, why you didn't say earlier? I park the car and you guys go and ~~sakai~~ take picture lahh.

Me & Queen Cheesy: Yay!

So, mummy parked the car. Me and Queen Cheesy got out and started acting like sakai tourists. Fruits of my labour are shown below. Queen Cheesy's are over here.

And guess what? We were not alone.

This dude got his whole family to come and bersakai.

Queen Cheesy, some lady and an ~~apek~~ old guy.

Unfortunately, like Yin & Yang, cats & dogs, and peanut butter & jelly, where there's good, there is also the bad.

The flowers fall off like a bajillion at a time and cover the road, cars, people, random cats and dogs who are soi, with flowers.

The picture says it all.

The red arrow shows where the flowers land. The purple arrow shows where they fall off from.

Wah lauuuuu!!!!

Even cars don't wanna park under the tree.

Kesian lah the KMC people who have to clean it all up. Not really. XD

Pollusen

2008-06-06T20:24:00.006+08:00

In this blogpost arr, I wanna use the cacated Engrish okeih?

*Imagine this post narrated by His High-Frickin-Ness, Mr. Phua Chu Kang*

Ahh, few days ago ahh, my marder (mother) was driving on the flyover ah. Dono which one issit? Nehh, the one that near near to King Centre lorr.

Okeyy, continue continue. My marder driving driving... I sit next to my marder and then I kua tiok (saw) black black smoke farting out from a big blue loli chia (lorry) ah. So, since I'm environment punya kawan, I ask my marder 2 lap yiu (tambah minyak) until can take the loli's pichure lor.

Nah, Nah, I give you see lahh. Don't say me kiam siap ah.

Make me so tulan nia.

Neh, the bubble thing got say what I'm thinking lerr.

You see you see??

Kuching people dunno how to buy the correct oil (fuel) to put in their ~~limpei's~~ own car ah.

Next time, check propery lahh.

Haiya..

Condoms much?

2008-06-02T17:36:00.002+08:00

Amy stumbled upon this too. It's from The Star newspaper.

Monday June 2, 2008

Women: Men must be encouraged to practise safe sex too

PETALING JAYA: Women’s groups have come out in support of the Health Ministry for promoting the use of condoms to combat HIV, but say practising safe sex is the responsibility of both men and women.

*Duh much....*

Sisters in Islam programme manager Norhayati Kaprawi said it was her group's hope that both men and women are encouraged to practise safe sex.

*Wasn't that already said in the last paragraph?*

“We hope the ministry allocates a bigger budget for free condoms for those who need it, like drug abusers and their partners.”

*Won't the drugggies be too stoned to have SEX, much less put on a condom?*

Norhayati said the Government should also introduce sex education in schools.

*Er, not really needed. Most teens already know what it is.*

She was responding to the call by Deputy Health Minister Datuk Dr Abdul Latiff Ahmad for every woman to carry a condom for her own protection.

*Protection? Shouldn't it be pepper spray or a Swiss Army Knife?*

Women’s Aid Organisation executive director Ivy Josiah said it should be a joint responsibility.
“I am glad that he brought up the issue. However, our view is that we should be educating men to use condoms.

*It shouldn't be that hard. It's like putting a sock on. Except the 'foot' only has 1 toe. XD*

“Many women find it difficult to negotiate with their partners that they should use a condom, especially for women who are in partnerships where there is violence or control.”

*To all the chicks out there who are into bad boys*

Violent man= Violent relationship.
Violent relationship = Violent SEX.
Violent SEX = Torn condoms.
Torn condoms = You'll DIE!!!!!

In her blog, former Malaysian AIDS Council chairman Datin Paduka Marina Mahathir concurred that men have to play their part too in practising safe sex.
“It is one thing to carry condoms, it's quite another thing to get the guy to use them. It might be more useful to tell men to carry condoms instead,” she said.

*AMEN*

She also said that the police should not assume women who possess condoms were soliciting for sex.
“The issue is that having a condom in one's handbag is often used as evidence by the police that one is soliciting (which is a crime).

*So it's a crime to have SEX?*

“Thus, unless we're supposed to all carry letters from Dr Latiff saying “it's okay.” women carrying condoms can be arrested for soliciting for clients to provide sexual services. In other words, it will be assumed that they are sex workers,” she said.

So, there you have it. For all you active SEX monkeys out there, bring a condom with you at all times. If you're a female SEX monkey, carry a disclaimer that says your not a 'ho preferably signed by a Dr Latiff .

If said female SEX monkey doesn't have this disclaimer, DO NOT HAVE SEX!!!

What are we feeding our young???

2008-06-02T17:33:00.004+08:00

Teenagers or young adults today, are usually ginormous blackholes of teen angst (emo-ness), acne (blardy volcanoes), and of course, hormones (personally, I blame KFC; will explain later).

Amy was rifling through the virtual pages of The Star, and stumbled upon an interesting and somewhat juicy article. Now, now. I got the article right here. Enjoy.

Monday June 2, 2008

Teens well schooled in sex

*duh*

FOR only RM5, an adolescent gets to experience SEX with his schoolmates. This was the shocking revelation recorded by counsellors who organised a youth camp for problematic secondary school students in Selangor recently.

In a front-page report in Metro Ahad, a 14-year-old student known as “Andy” admitted to paying RM5 “for a round of sex” with a senior at school, adding they would either “do it” at his or her home.

*Hooker-in-training much?*

He said both parents were unaware of the activities as they thought the two were studying (yeah right) together and confessed that sometimes, one of his friends would join them for a “threesome”.

*Tre kinky.*

“If I need sex, I only have to call or send her an SMS for an appointment.

*Wow. Instant gratification.*

“It all started when I began watching pornographic clips with my friend two years ago (Gawd, the kid was 12!). Since then, my desire for sex grew and when I knew that this girl in school did not mind doing it for a fee, I decided to try it with her,” he said.

*Since "Andy" can afford a 5 buck amateur, why won't he go for a 5 buck pro? (professional/prostitute, take your pick) God knows, there definitely are pros that cheap out there.*

Camp organising committee secretary Mahezan Baharom said the counsellors were shocked with how “frank and candid” the students were about their sexual activities although they were aware that they should not be having sex at their age.

*So, at what age ARE we supposed to have SEX? 30?*

Mahezan said apart from sex, the participants – aged between 13 and 15 – admitted to masturbating in a group, having multiple sex partners, consuming alcohol, glue sniffing, theft and smoking.

*In group ahh... Well, at least they do not need self-esteem youth camp.*

“Students who are involved in social ills or misfits do not only come from poor families. We have participants whose parents are well to do, VIPs and those whose mothers and fathers are religious people,” he said.

*Damn straight. *

Special programme for people in need of aid

> Berita Minggu reported the Welfare Department was embarking on a programme to detect those in need of aid.
Women, Family and Community Development Minister Datuk Dr Ng Yen Yen said under “Program Cari”, welfare officers would go around to identify those who needed help instead of waiting to process applications for aid.

“This is part of our plan to transform the ministry and widen our scope of services to the community, especially to those in need. The officers will go to the ground and look for people who are eligible for aid because some may not know how to get desperately needed help,” she said.

Other News & Views is compiled from the vernacular newspapers (Bahasa Malaysia, Chinese and Tamil dailies). As such, stories are grouped according to the respective language/medium. Where a paragraph begins with a sub-heading, it denotes a separate news item.

*Err, the last paragraph is just there for decoration*

I was refering to KFC in the beginning of my post. Here's the reason why:

KFC chickens are abnormally plump and juicy eh? Ever wonder why?

It can't be free range chickens. Tre expensivo??!!

So, I have come up with the reason to why KFC chicks are so freakin' awesome!!

Doi..

Hormone injections.

Usually injected into poultry such as duck (quackedy quack), CHICKENS (bokedy bok) and etc. (if we eat any other poultry) at the neck or the wings.

These 'miracle workers' are like steroids for the quackers and the cluckers. They get all plump and juicy till they nearly bust out of their itty bitty cages.

Then workers will pluck their juicy little bodies and slaughterise them *oopsie*. I meant to say, kill them most probably by strangulation or by breaking their oh-so-fragile necks. Well, that's how my grandma does it.

After that, the chickens are stripped (feathers) and shipped to the nearest KFC outlet.

Not exactly this way, but I think you all might get what I mean.

Anyway, those chickens end up on our plates and hormones from the chicken's dead flesh enters our bloodstream and wreaks havoc on OUR hormones.

Nice eh?

Tag Tag Taggedy Tag Tag

2008-05-25T20:00:00.002+08:00

1) What was I doing 10 years ago?
Being a good lil nerd in school. I wore glasses, had a 180 degree straight cut fringe and read like there was no tomorrow. I look better now. Trust me.

2) What are five things on your to-do list for today?
i. Eat
ii. Sing on-key in the shower
iii. Practice driving like a sane person
iv. Pick my nose in the shower (clears the airways)
v. Blog

3) What snacks do I enjoy?
Chocolates, cookies, cold milk, all types of fruit juice, sio bee, kueh chap, kueh tiaw, instant korean noodles, sushi, omelettes, fried pork.... not enough space lahhh..

4) Things I would do if I were a billionaire?
- Buy myself a Mitsubishi Triton in every colour of the rainbow except red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo or violet. I want it in black. Black's on the rainbow what... In emo-land
- Buy the biggest tv I can find in the world for my lil sis. She's a.d.d.i.c.t.e.d.
- Buy Lina a pink macbook.
- Buy Chelsea FC for my bro.
- Donate 1/500 of my money in charities organised by Jo.
- Buy a house in every continent in the frickin world. Yes, even in Antartica.
- Buy myself a chocolate factory.
- Buy a cheese factory for Lina.
- Buy Sony for my bro.
- Buy Animax for my sis.
- Buy 203948 Rolex's for my mom and dad.
- Get my grandpa a nice new car with loads of airbags
- Buy a new back (spine) for my granny.
- Buy a frickin lake for my dad to fish in.
- Save the rest of the money.

5) Three Bad Habits:
i. I eat off people's plates without permission.
ii. I like slandering people.
iii. Picking my feet.

6) 5 places I have lived:
i. Kuching
ii. Cat city
iii. City of the felines
iv. Bandaraya kucing dan anjing
v. Kuching yang mempunyai banyak anjing

7) 5 Jobs I’ve had.
i. Tow miao planter
ii. Oyster mushroom farmer
iii. Dog Washer and Flea Smasher
iv. Cat catcher
v. Fat Fat and King's Backscratcher

I tag:
N.O.B.O.D.Y

Taipei 101

2008-05-25T17:13:00.011+08:00

This is my 3rd post of the day. Tireddddd...

After scowling fiercely at the stupid arses cluttering Kuching International Airport's runway place thingy, we (mummy, me, lil bro, lil sis) went to fetch Lina at tuition because apparently, the retard mousey-voiced receptionist at Lina's tuition forgot to tell her that there was no tuition. Babi.

Well, after that, we went for lunch at a restaurant called Taipei 101.

I like it because it serves my favourite type of food. Non-Halal.

The place is nice too because the dude who works the drinks counter is quite cute and has a so-so ass.... Don't get too excited ladies and Jo, I said so-so niaa.....

Anywayyyyy, the ambience of the place was nice.

See?

We opted for the seats which were kinda Japanese style (sort of). The kind where there's a big ol' hole in the floor. I'm not good with descriptions. Here's a picture:

Feet of the descendents of Mr. and Mrs Lau.

This is where pictures of the delicious food is usually uploaded to kek all the hungry people reading this.

I wasn't fast enough to take any because we were all starving and ate like ravenous animals. What I have, are the pictures of the leftovers.

My drink used to be a Passionfruit Milk Tea.

MmMmMmMmMm..

Lina has brain freeze.

Caused by this

This blogpost would not have happened if not for this lady. Thank you for chia-ing us ungrateful gluttons.

Glutton no.1,

Susan the oinker.

Of Kuching International Airport and Buttholes

2008-05-25T17:13:00.010+08:00

Ahhhhhhh........ Sunday mornings are the best. There are so many things to do.

For people like me (utter pigs), there's always sleeping till 10.

For others, such as the men of the Lau clan (my dad n bro), there's always fishing at Petanak, where there is a 'river' which is actually just an oversized drain.

Well, today was special. I went with my mum to pick up my brother and sister (Jasmine, no.3) from badminton. Then sent my other sister (Lina, no. 2) to Biology tuition. Lina's tuition is situated at 7th Mile (Creative Tuition Centre).

Oops, I'm going off topic here.

Okay, on the way to send my sister to tuition, we had to pass by the back part of Kuching International Airport. It's the place where the airplane runways are at.

Well, I do this every week, so I notice SOME things.

The thing that I notice the most is, the people who go there to view airplanes taking off and landing.

I shall 'merujuk' to the title of this blog post and say, that these absolute buttholes have no consideration whatsoever to the drivers on the road and the people who live who live at the vicinity of the airplane runway place thingy.

These people think that this bloody road belongs to their lim pei (father) and they assume that they can cincai park here and park there on the shoulder of the road. Some even have the balls to park their cars half on and half off the road.

This group of people usually have nothing else to do but stare at the sky, waiting for an airplane to land or take off. What lahhh, Kuching people are so the manyak sakai ahhh...

Some of these buttholes usually bring their whole family to watch this 'wonderous' event.

Others are usually amorous couples, usually young ones, who come at night to 'gaze at the stars'. Yeah right...

The intense vibration the airplanes make when they take off and land makes them (young couple with raging hormones) extremely horny and they start steaming up the windows of their vehicle with their... Shall I say, 'heavy breathing'.

I couldn't take this idiocy anymore so I did what any righteous person with a blog would do.

I took pictures and hurried home to post something scathing about it.

Caught in the act. Don't know who the puck is this guy.

Tracks made in the once smooth mud on the side of the road

Sometimes, there aren't any airplanes to ogle at, but they still stay there and wait, and wait.....

Empty sky.

Still empty..

*crickets chirping*

Stupid people. Go to church or something lahhh. If you all still want to look at footage of an airplane landing of taking off, go and find in Youtube lorrr..

While I'm still on the subject of Airports and Buttholes, please refer to the picture below.

Asswipe truck driver. Don't know how to signal is it??!!

Scathingly posted by,

Susan,
Bitch extraordinaire

The hobo-ness in me

2008-05-25T17:03:00.003+08:00

As a Kuching-ite, you guys have probably been all over Kuching in a day. Am I implying that Kuching is that small? No. I'm implying that Kuching is TINY.

Anywho, not to detour from the subject, any moron who lives in Kuching has most probably used the flyover at RH plaza linking it to Airport Road. The one that His Datuk-ness Ting Pek Khiing built. Or rather, supervised.

By the way, I will not be talking about being ON the flyover, rather, this post will be about the stuff UNDER the flyover.

I was passing through the bottom part of the flyover when I looked out of my window and thought, "My, the landscape's not bad and it's really shady ahhh. Man, if I was a hobo, I'd totally LIVE here!"

See what I mean? Shadyyyy...

Lotsa 'veg' to munch on

If any of the homeless read this post, you know where to set up your cardboard box.

Cheers!

I miss my bitch!

2008-05-23T15:00:00.005+08:00

I think I have verified that my bitch, Jo, left exactly a week ago- *to fulfill his dream of being a go-go dancing transvestite*- on a previous blog post.

While I'm stuck here blankly staring at the Form 6 teachers whenever they teach, he's over there, looking at hot chicks. I wanna look too!!!!

Pics of my bitch:

Bitch shocked at size of Vin Diesels man boobies

Side view of bitch's big head.

Bitch with molten hot dumpling in mouth.

Bitch + Bitch = Really really weird pic

Bitch being emo-esque

Bitch and other guys buzzing like fireflies around a light (ps3)

Bitch sucks at posing

Like I said, I miss my bitch. You better be reading this, ma bitch!!!!!

P.S. Jo's NOT my boyfriend, he's just my bitch. Get it right, morons!

Me No Likey Pain... Gahhh...

2008-05-22T16:20:00.004+08:00

I am so NOT into pain. Not like those crazy-ass people who brand themselves with a bloody poker like how farmers would do with their cattle. Blardy moronic ahhh. Oh yeah, below is a picture worth a thousand words.

After a bloody root canal (3rd time)

Blardy dentist kept telling me to relax. Stupiakkkk!!!! Easy for him to say. He's the asshole who's poking my gums with a bloody pin. And furthermore, I had to go back 3 times!!!!!!!

1st time was quite okay. Loaded me full of Novocaine. MmMmMmMmM... It was a nooooiiiiceeee..... weeeeeeeii....

The 2nd time was like a trip to Hell. I was expecting the little ouchie of a syringe full of Novocaine but instead, he decided to skip it and started poking around my gums with a bloody 2-inch pin!!!!

OMFG!!!!

I wanted to punch that sonofabitch in the face so badddddd! I remember gripping a piece of tissue paper -which I had used earlier to wipe the spit off my chin when I rinsed the plaster outta my mouth- till my knuckles were white.

You know what pissed me off the most??? That butthole had the nerve to say "Relax, miss" then turned to his nurse and said in Mandarin "Hah, look at how tight she's holding fists". For your information, doctor, I was holding it so tight because I wanted to ram it (my white knuckled fist) into your mouth, MUVVAFUGGER!!!!!!

Fast forward to next week. Went in and this time, pumped the right side of my face full of Novocaine. Thank God! But I still wanted to put a dent in his face. Anyway, after I started drooling like an idiot, he shoved 2 pins into my gums!! I know this because after he did that, he took an x-ray. I peeked at it and nearly barfed. Gahhhh...

*

*

*

Poke poke again

*

*

*

Shoved something else into the gaping hole in my tooth

*

*

*

Put a vice on it

*

*

*

Filled the big crater with plaster which apparently had to be heated because that mondo

moron-o burned my lip with it!!!

Anyway, apparently I have to go back to have a Crowning done.

Farkkkk!!!

P.S. To Amy: Liar liar pants on fire!!! You said it wouldn't hurt!!

P.S.S. To Amy (again): I forgive you. XD

This is when non-AH LIANs try to camwhore

2008-05-19T19:51:00.003+08:00

The term AH LIAN according to me:

AH LIAN :

~ A female of the Animalia Chordata Mammalia Primates Hominidae Homo H Sapiens;

Subspecies: Homo Sapiens Sapiens

~ Usually found in the regions of Asia, especially in Malaysia (very heavily populated)

~ Always seen on the arm of an AH BENG (definition will be given later) driving preferably a modified KANCIL, or a modified KENARI

~ Posts pictures of themselves on networking service such as FRIENDSTER, FACEBOOK, MYSPACE, HI-5 and etc.

~ Has very bad linguistic skills

eg. Using words such as 'nerhx', 'norhxx', 'worrhxxx'

Note: Notice the increase in the number of x's??

~ Dress in clothes that do not make sense whatsoever. Usually with chains n neckties. The only time they'll stop wearing the bloody chains is when the chain/chains get snagged on something and they fall and land on their faces, preferably breaking a few teeth in the process.

~ Bombastic hairstyles. What lahhh... Your house kena earthquake is it? All the mirrors in the house senget so your hair also senget harr???!!! (directed to any AH LIANS reading this, though I doubt it)

~ Has a fixation on anything pink. Stopiakkkkness..

Anyway, I do not want to stray from the title of this blog so.......

Gross to the power of infinty

When an AH LIAN tries to be thoughtful and cute at the same time.. *pukes blood*

Pics like this usually comes with dumbass captions that say, 'cUt3 nerhhhxxxxsss??!!!'

The classic AH LIAN pose.

This is a blooper. I was laughing too hard.

Honestly! The gila-babiness of AH LIANS are absolutely unfathomable.

Also a classic AH LIAN pose.

Now this is a money pose. Die all you AH LIANS!!!

Oh right, as promised, the definition of an AH BENG:

~ Usually has 6 inches of front hair covering half of their faces. Preferably dyed a light brown, or bleached blonde.

~ Dresses in baggy everything. Caps are optional. But when applied, it is usually at a 90 degree angle, clockwise/anti-clockwise from the forehead.

~ Drives with right arm hanging out of the vehicle. Usually the arm comes with a cigarette.

~ Thinks their bloody KANCIL are in the same league with sports cars. Fark lahh!! I know your blardy 850cc ride can fly very fast lahh.. *sarcastic-ness-ness*

~ Shuffles. Not all. About 93.7%. *Not accurate but who gives a damn?*

~ Blasts brain-numbing TECHNO music at eardrum shattering decibels from itty bitty cars like a KANCIL, KELISA, o KENARI. Ya lah ya lah. You're soooo cooolll......

*even more sarcasticness*

In conclusions, AH LIANS should channel their skills into other outlets. They like taking pictures of themselves rightt???? Then go work as a model lorrr. If they're the type that not only looks like a dog's ass but thinks they're hot like Giselle frickin Bundchen, if any of you know anyone like that, tell them that they need to bloody wake up. A friendly punch in the face will do. :)

Susan the Bitch

Over and Out!!

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaack!!!

2008-05-17T15:48:00.002+08:00

The title of this blog post says, I'm back. "Back to where, bitch?" you all must be thinking. I'll answer that for you then. CHOIR!!! The creme de la creme of the school. Sort of.

Candid scenes of everyone that i took during choir.

The piano has so many fans.

I've missed choir sooooooo much. Actually, I had a debate with myself whether I should rejoin the choir team. The smart me won. Take that, dumb me. I wuvs it. And guess what?? I still got it. Now, my shampoo bottles and shower head will have new songs to listen to. Yay them!!

Bye Bye Jo

2008-05-17T15:30:00.002+08:00

Big head = Big Brain/ Lotsa water in the brain.

Bloody Hell. All ma bitches are going away. Dammit. Like the title thingy says, bye bye JO...
Now who the hell am I supposed to bug now?? Any volunteers?

I wuv HASH BROWNS

2008-05-17T15:14:00.002+08:00

Heehee. Everyone who has a frickin blog has most probably posted ridiculously short posts. This time, it's my turn.

Today's phrase of the day:

I WUV HASH BROWNS THIIISSSSSS MUCHHHH!!

Heehee...

What's with all the Tags???

2008-05-08T15:13:00.005+08:00

1) Slept naked?
Yup. Startlingly, it's quite refreshing.

2) Taken a shower with someone?
Um.. I used to when i was a kid. Aiya, with my sister lahh..

3) Kissed a member of the same sex?
No. I'm into kissing members of a different sex. Well, not now. I'm not a sexpot y'know.

4) Drove a car?
Yup. Thank God all the pedestrians stayed home.

5) Are you photogenic?
Absolutely NOT!! Sometimes, I look at pictures of me, and my thoughts are like"Eww, I look gross". That's how photogenic I am.

6) Been in love?
Hardy har har. That is none of your business. :P

7) Been dumped?
As a matter of fact, NO actually. Surprising eh?

8) Do you seek revenge of being dumped?
Nah. What for? It's a waste of my bloody time.

9) Gotten in a car with people you just met?
Hmm... Once. But there were other people i knew in the car.

10) Been in a fist fight?
No. Does my kid brother count?

11) Snuck out of your/someones house?
Thought of it. Went to bed instead.

12) Had feelings for someone who didnt have them back?
My, aren't you nosy. That is also none of your business.

13) Been arrested?
Nope. I wouldn't want to share a jail cell with hookers and drunkards. I might catch their cooties.

14) Hugged a stranger?
No. That would cause the loss of anyone's virginity. Duhh...

15) Met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere?
Yes. At the movies. At school. At my house. At their house.

16) Left your house with out telling your parents?
No, I'm not suicidal. I love my freedom.

17) What time is it?
3.30pm.

18) Ditched school to do something more fun?
No. I'm a good little girl. *Bursts out laughing*

19) Lost a friend?
No. Not that I know of.

20) Do you collect sea shells?
No. They smell funky. I go to the beach to ogle at... things other than seashells.

21) Been to an island?
No. Heard songs from an island though.

22) Slept in until 3?
Guilty as charged.

23) Love someone or miss someone right now?
This is also none of your b.u.s.i.n.e.s.s.

24)Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?
Well, it was not on my back. I was sitting by the car window and staring through the glass like I was stoned on some class A weed. With my mouth open by the way.

25)Made a snow angel?
No. That is not possible here. Mud angel would be possible though.

26)Played dress up?
Yeah. Actually, what I was doing, in some countries, would be called cross-dressing.

27) Cheated while playing a game?

Hee hee.... *yesh*

28) Been lonely?
Nah. I'm surrounded by so many loonies and crazies that I've never been lonely a day in my life.

29) Kissed more than 4 people in one night?
Urghh... No. These lips are not for everyone.

31) Favourite pair of shoes?
No. I'm a selipar jepun gal.

32) Felt an earthquake?
Only after meals which involve beans and lots of meat. For the people who don't get it, I'm refering to FARTING.

33) Touched a snake?
No. Had it in soup once though. Tasty!

34) Ran a red light?
No. I'm a good driver. XD

35) Been suspended from school?
Nearly.

36) Had detention?
No. My school does not offer activites like those.

37) Been in a car accident?
Well, I nearly hit a lorry once. But I didn't. Key word: NEARLY

38) Had a party in your house while your parents were away?
No. That would also be an end to my natural life.

39) Used a fake id?
No. I'm already legal. Oh yeah!!!!

40) Crawled through a window?
Yepp. Now that's an experience.

41) Been lost?
All the time. OMG!! Where am I??

42) Been to the opposite side of the world?
No. Where's the opposite side of the world anyway? Frickin Greenland?

43)Lost Your Virginity?
No. I'm as pure as the driven snow. Uekkkkk..... *barfs*

44) Cried yourself to sleep?
No. I'm not that pathetic.

45) Woke up crying?
Strangely, yes. It was soooo weird. I didn't even remember what I cried about.

46)Got piercings?
Yup. According to my mom, it's 'illegal'.

47) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?
Yes. Wore high heels. I have made my peace with heels now.

48) What music are you listening to?
The sound of my electric fan. whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

49) Caught a snowflake on your tongue?
In this country, that would be like catching dandruff on your tongue. Groooossssssss.....

50) Kissed in the rain?
No. Played in it, yes. It rockkss!!!!!!!

51) Sang in the shower?
Yes. Every single day.

52) Partied all night and regretted it the next day?
No. I like being hung over. XP

53) Had a dream that you married someone?
No. Ew. I'm not d.e.s.p.e.r.a.t.e.

54) Glued your hand to something?
Hehe. A few times. I'm a menace with super glue.

55) Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole?
No. I got my finger stuck to a metal thingy in the freezer once though.

56) Ever gone to school partially naked?
No. I always make sure that I'm covered up when I go to school which a few thousand kids go to.

57) Ever became a cheerleader?
No. I'm not blonde, and my bra cup is not sufficient for that job.

58) Had more then ten boyfriend/girlfriends?
No. I'm a one man woman.

59) Didnt take a shower for a week?
No. I like being hygienic. I shower twice a day. MmmMmm... Freshh...

60) Ever too scared to watch scary movies alone?
Yes. All the time. That's why I save my time and energy by avoiding horror flicks like the plague.

61) Do you like chick flicks?
Yes. I am a chick. Therefore... do the math yourself.

62) Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?
No. I jumped in myself.

63) Who had the last birthday?
Uhh. My bro's birthday is tomorrow.

64) Broken a bone?
No. Had the tissue taken from my knee though. It was sooo not fun.

65) Been easily amused?
I'm always easily amused. Hahahahahahahaha. See?

66) Laugh so hard you cry?
No. I've laughed so hard that I nearly peed myself.

67) Lied about a personal detail?
What's there to lie about? I'm FABULOUS!! Perasan-ness...

68) Cheated on a test?
Now who ever told you that?? Hehe..

69) Forgotten someones name?
All the time man. Might be early Alzheimers. Eee... choi choi choi!!!

70) Do you like Britney Spears?
Mmm... hard question. On the fence. At least she has hair now.

71) Done something dumb while drunk?
No. I don't get hammered everytime I drink. I'm a disciplined drinker. XD

72)Who was the last person you slept with?
My larger than life BANANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

73) Blacked out from drinking?
No. I do not drink till I lose consciousness. That's just a recipe for disaster; or rape. Whichever you please.

74) Played a prank on someone?
Hell yeah!!

75) Gone to a late night movie?
No. I like going to movies during business hours.

76) Made love to anything not human?
No. Refer to question 43. I haven't made love to anything. Yet.

77) Do you like participating in Sport?
Sometimes. If I can drag myself outta bed.

78) Choked on something you're not supposed to eat?
No. I didn't choke. It was a styrofoam peanut. It sorta melted in my mouth. Like M&Ms. Except.. they weren't.

79) Ever kissed a stranger?
No. That is a major cause of rape cases all over the world.

80) Ever made a burn book?
That was in Primary 5. God, we were so bitchy last time. Haha.

81) Celebrate the 4th of July?
No. I only celebrate the 6th of April.

82) Thrown strange objects?
No. If I throw something, I want to at least know what it is.

83) Felt like killing someone?
No. I'm very peaceful and quite placid. Sometimes.

84) Thought about running away?
No. Where would I run to? Furthermore, I do not want to die of starvation. I can't cook to save my life. Pun intended.

85) If you could be anywhere else, where would you be?
I want to be anywhere but home. I'm getting bored with it.

86) What was the last thing you ate?
Ang koo kueh

87) Cut your own hair?
Yup. It looked decent.

88) Performed a song in front of an audience before?
Yesh. Lalalalalalalalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....................

89) Do you have any Tattoos?
No. I might though... in the far future.

90) Cried over someone?
No. Waste my tears.

91) Celebrate Halloween?
No. I celebrate the living and the non-fictional.

92) Dated someone more than once?
Unfortunately, yes. And that's all you're gonna get outta me.

93) Had/Have a dog?
Yup. 3. My 3 smelly bundles of wuv.

94) Do you like Paris Hilton?
Haha. Actually, she seems nice. That's hottt!!

95) Smoked a cigarette?
No. I would rather lick a toilet bowl. They're more or less the same thing.

96)Been in a band?
Briefly. Obviously, it didn't work out.

97) last concert you went to?
My bro's. On the karaoke machine. Country music will never sound the same again.

98) Broken a CD?
It was an accident!! I swear!!

99) Shot a gun?
Oh yeah. A bloody M-16. 2.95 kilogrammes of rusty metal. And I had to lie on wet sand.

100) Who do you tag?
Hee hee.
1. Armee Hiiiii
2. Crazy Queen of Cheese
3. Jo

I've been bad....

2008-05-06T14:27:00.003+08:00

Like the title says, I've been bad.

Very very bad.

Hehe.

Sorry Jo.

I couldn't resist.

Jo tagged me

2008-04-27T21:16:00.002+08:00

Instructions: Remove ONE question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.

1. Do you believe in love at first sight?

No. Love at first sight is a myth. Unfortunately, I'm a realist.
The world according to me:
Love at first sight = LUST. Oh yeah, I'm also a bloody cynic. Bite me.

2. Do you eat without brushing your teeth?

Yup. It adds flavour.

3. Where is the place that you want to go the most?

Umm.... *strokes imaginary beard* America would be nice. As long as I don't get shot or mugged. 'The Land of The Free' and whatnot.

4. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?

To be able to speak with animals. I bet animals say the darndest things.

5. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?

What the hell? Hello, what part of the world are you in to have to believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?? Must be bloody Antartica or something.

6. Do you like being who you are today?

Yes. I love being the cynical, realistic be-yotch I am today.

7. If you win $1 million, what would you do?

I would get a bloody car. Wait, not just any bloody car, a Mitsubishi Triton (black).
*drools incessantly* And I'll donate half of the leftover to Jo's charity for the mosquito nets.

8. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?

Been there done that. And, ultimately, the answer is: NO. Duhhhhh....

9. Would you swim in a vat of chocolate?

Hell yeah!!

10. Do you wear boxers?

Do I look like I need boxers? Oh, and yes, they're very comfy.

11. Which type of cars I love the most?

Refer to question 7.

12. Which do you prefer from your other half? hug? or a kiss?

Any would do. Both are nice. As long as the kiss is not too wet and the hug is not to grab-ish.

13. If you have faults, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?

Point it out. I do that to other people on a regular basis. Seriously, if I have any faults, I'd like to know. E-mail me, text me, my c-box is open for spamming too. All are welcome.

14. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?

Being happy.

15. Are you a shopaholic or not?

Depends. If I have the money I would be.

16. What kind of electronic device/gadget you own that you like most?

My TV. It's the only electrical device that I have that does not cause me to have emotional breakdowns and cursing sprees.

17. If you have a chance, which part of your character you would like to change?

My inablility to shut up.

18. What makes you feel disappointed?

Bad chocolate. Hot men with flat butts.

19. If given a chance, do you want to see your future?

Nope. I'm a big fan of surprises.

20. What is your most irrational fear?

I fear small spiders. Bugs that like flying at people. Butterflies (even the pretty ones). Being cozied up to by lesbos.

I Tag:

1. Princess of the Cheese Kingdom
2. Ameee Hiiiiii

Yes, my list is that short. Laugh all you want, asswipes. XP

Global frickin Warmin'

2008-04-15T10:43:00.006+08:00

yesterday (april14), i was watchin the 10 o'clock news when i saw something that interested me. a bunch of crazy dads who didn't have anything to do decided to have an outdoor barbeque. okay, it was'nt exactly a bunch; it was something like 1000++++ dads.

today(april15), i read the newspaper and i came upon the article covering the big ass barbeque.

BORNEO POST: TUESDAY, APRIL 15, 2008

URUGUAY HOSTS WORLD'S BIGGEST BBQ

MONTEVIDEO: More than a thousand barbecue fanatics in Uruguay grilled up 12 metric tonnes of beef on Sunday, setting a new Guinness world record while promoting the country's succulent top export.

Army personnel set up a grill nearl;y 1.5 km long and firefighters lit 6 tonnes of charcoal to kick off the gargantuan cookout. Some 1,250 people grilled the beef and about 20,000 spectators cried with joy when a Guinness judge confirmed the barbecue record had been broken.

"I'm very proud to be Uruguayan. We have the best beef and now we have the world's biggest barbecue," said one of the volunteer cooks, sporting an apron and chef's hat.

The South American country bested a Mexican grilling record from 2006 by a resounding 4 tonnes.

The barbecue was organised by the National Meats Institute, or INAC in Spaish, which tracks beef sales abroad.

Beef exports raked in 817 million last year for Uruguay, a laid -back country of some 3.2 million people squeezed between larger neighbours Argentina and Brazil, also major catle producers.

-Reuters

picture of the Uruguayan dad's grilling up a storm. they look like a bunch of ants eh?

the thing that ticks me off is, there's a thousand people grilling beef and nobody gives a damn bout the effects. hellooooooooo... have you Uruguayans heard about global warming???

jeez, everyone talks about it. the greenpeace people, politicians, heck, even Paris Hilton says that "Global Warming is sooo not HOT!"

i bet that after the grill thingy, yeah yeah, they broke a frickin Guinness world record, they're most probably the reason why the frickin polar ice caps are melting and also why polar bears have tans.

pardon the childish drawing, but it gets to the point. i think.

oh yeah, the Uruguayans are like producers of cattle and the like, so, imagine what would be the effects of global warming on their livestock. well, u people don't have to strain yourselves, here's a simple picture illustrating my point

again, it's childish but do you guys get it now?? if you don't, then go and frickin google 'global warming'.

sorry for the environmental crap i'm spouting, but someone's gotta represent the cows in saying something. and i'm that someone. haha.

take that, Uruguay! XP

Ramblings of Me

HAY BEECHEZ

ATTENTION!

TIMES NEW ROMAN FONT IS BLEHH.

OHMAGAT!

OMGWTFBBQ?!

.. the fuck?

My imagination is the shiznit.

I is back!

Angry Kakak Post

Bye baby.

Blehhh

Ehh??!!

Tactile-Kinesthetic Learners

Oh ma effing *bleep*!

There are crazy mice in my house!

I like this, you don't, shuddup.

Yay!

I *heart* my cat who looks like a pig

My birthday didn't suck that bad

Pleasestopsendingrubbishlikethistome!!!

I has hot dog and cheezburger!

Green

Happy CNY my ass.

Whaddafookiswrongwiththeworld?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I'm sorry but......

Where's the Jabatan Pendaftaran??

Hello? Atkins diet much?

My Christmassy Musings

I is preteh!! (2nd post for today)

I is awesome artist

Cilakak punya!!

Personal ad

Of tags and chipped fingernails.

Babi

I make nu header

I is AWESOME

3rd post within the hour!

Hot coldness

*falls on ground and starts twitching*

*insert crying emoticon*

Something fah-nee

*KoffkoffihatemuetgodiechaoCBchaoahguakoffkoff*

Hello

I is Geram

Ngehhhhh...

Tag ini sangat mah fan lahh!

Hoi!

Babi punya tag

Vandalism

Leo Club antics

Rantings.

Fuck You! Yes, you!

My Baking Store Adventures.

MKL! CCB! KNN! SNN! SNKY!

Ini post tarak ada gambar.

Me No likey Math.

Toilet paper is smashingly smexayy!!

Kinky-ness

Clickity clickums

Because I'm Awesome

Kebodohan Yang Tidak Terhingga.

Hanami (flower viewing) in Malaysia

Pollusen

Condoms much?

What are we feeding our young???

Tag Tag Taggedy Tag Tag

Taipei 101

Of Kuching International Airport and Buttholes

The hobo-ness in me

I miss my bitch!

Me No Likey Pain... Gahhh...

This is when non-AH LIANs try to camwhore

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaack!!!

Bye Bye Jo

I wuv HASH BROWNS

What's with all the Tags???

I've been bad....

Jo tagged me

Global frickin Warmin'

Oh ma effing bleep!

I heart my cat who looks like a pig

falls on ground and starts twitching

insert crying emoticon

KoffkoffihatemuetgodiechaoCBchaoahguakoffkoff